


Salt Water

by sinshine



Series: Salt Water [3]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Dream Sex, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, M/M, Masturbation, Smut, domestic goodtimes, excessive use of puns, post-cochlea, spoilers for tgre
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-08 19:29:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 39,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7770169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinshine/pseuds/sinshine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Please, Touka, don't say anything to him.”</p><p>"I wasn't going to!” Kaneki felt rather than saw her roll her eyes. “But do you really think he would reject you?”</p><p>“No, of course not,” he scoffed. “He would turn me down very politely, say something to the effect of 'always being there but just not-in-that-way', and then make an awkward, uncomfortable joke about friends with cannibal-benefits before making me a cup of Consolation Coffee.”</p><p>“Cannibal-benefits?”</p><p>“His terrible pun output increases exponentially when he's nervous.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Narrative Hook

**Author's Note:**

> "A cure for everything is salt water; sweat, tears, or the salt sea."
> 
> This is a continuation of the fic Indulgence, but it's not required reading. ;) Kaneki is living together with Hide above :re after the Cochlea raid. The first part of the story will be pretty fluffy and it's gonna get filthy after the halfway mark. Tags will be updated with the chapters.

Kaneki always took the long way back home, taking extra care to make sure that he was not being followed. Really though, it wasn't his own safety he was worried about, but that of the others who lived with him. It was taking some getting used to; having a stable environment and a- _a family_ of his own that he not only wanted to protect but to also nurture and see it grow. Having a place for him to call 'home' was so wonderful and rare that it still filled his chest with warmth every time he thought of it. Kaneki came up through the alley and finally arrived at the back entrance to the café. After unlocking the door, he looked around once more before quietly slipping inside. However, he would never be stealthy enough to surpass the mistress of the household.

“Idiot!” Touka appeared almost immediately and frowned down at Kaneki as he bent to take off his grime-caked shoes. She grabbed the object nearest to her- one of :re's menus- and slapped him on the head. “I hate it when you do shit like this!” Still waving the menu, she indicated Kaneki's disheveled state as he straightened with his shoes in hand. Had she been more maternal, Touka may have taken pity on his torn clothing, dark with blood, and a series of gashes in his left arm. As it were, his injuries only seemed to infuriate her more.

“You just gestured to all of me,” Kaneki pouted, earning himself another menu-whack. He chuckled and rolled his shoulders in a shrug as he moved past her to the staircase. “I'm fine, Touka. I'm almost healed anyway and most of this blood isn't mine.”

“Not. The. Point.” She caught his wrist in her firm grasp as he made to ascend to the next floor. “I need you to understand what I've been trying to tell you for weeks now: you need to be able to let other people handle things.”

He sighed, not facing her. “I know, Touka-”

“I don't think you fucking do!” She threatened him again with a shake of the menu but then threw up both her hands with an exasperated noise. “Okay, fine. I've got to finish cleaning up down here, but don't think I'm done nagging you yet.” She turned to go back into the front of the shop. “Maybe your boyfriend will have an easier time getting through that thick skull.”

Kaneki whipped his head around with a retort on his lips, just in time to see Touka go through the door with a mischievous smirk on hers.

At the top of the stairs, Kaneki paused briefly by Touka's apartment to listen for any sounds from within. Hinami and Ayato would sometimes drop by unexpectedly and stay in her extra bedroom. Kaneki had borrowed a book from her the last time they were here and he had been eager to talk with her about it ever since he finished it. Hearing nothing, he continued down the hall to the apartment he shared with Hide. He paused with his hand on the doorknob, already knowing that Hide would have left it unlocked for him.

_Hide._

Kaneki licked his lips and took a moment to collect himself. One controlled exhale later, he pushed the door open and went inside.

“I'm home.”

“Ahhh, Kaneki! What the heckie!” Hide had been in the kitchen, washing his dinnerware when Kaneki entered the apartment. He quickly crossed to the entryway, eyes darting over Kaneki's form as he took stock of his injuries, hands hovering at the ready. Once he seemed satisfied that Kaneki wasn't going to immediately keel over, he sighed and went back into the kitchen. “Just don't drip blood on the carpet again.”

Kaneki nodded and made his way carefully to their bathroom, leaving his shoes by the door. In a few minutes, he was standing under the shower head, watching pink swirls of water disappear into the drain. He rubbed his face, then pumped some shampoo into his hands and began to work through the blood that was caked in his hair. Touka was right; he was definitely going to get sassed by Hide about this. Their network- his network, he supposed- was full of capable individuals both human and ghoul alike, but Kaneki still wasn't comfortable with delegating work to them. When a territory dispute had come up nearby, Kaneki had been assured by his agents assigned to the area that it would be taken care of. However, he had gone anyway, initially intending to just observe but couldn't resist involving himself. It still didn't sit right with him to ask others to do what he could take care of himself, especially since they would have been acting in his name.

So, one hot shower and a change of clothes later, he went back out into the living room. Hide was waiting for him on the couch, frowning as he looked over some sheet music.

“How's that new hobby coming along?” Kaneki smiled and dropped into the seat next to him.

“Terrible,” Hide grinned and laid the papers down on the coffee table. “I still cant really read it but just wait, I'll be serenading you with my self-composed masterpieces in no time. Besides, it's nice just to have the time for something like this again.” He laughed and nudged Kaneki's arm lightly with his own.

Kaneki smiled and nodded, leaning into Hide as the other pulled away. He remembered Touka's teasing and slumped into the plush back of the couch. “So...”

“So,” Hide said, leaning back as well. He turned his head to fix Kaneki with a stern look. “I know this is a weird transition for you. It's weird for everyone. But you really need to start taking a backseat to some of this stuff.”

“But if I can easily handle it-”

“Not the point.”

Kaneki guiltily dropped his gaze, looking instead at his hands folded in his lap. He idly picked at one of the cuticles. “I'm just so used to it.”

“Start getting used to this instead. You don't have to do this alone anymore, Kaneki.”

Kaneki nodded without raising his eyes. What Touka and Hide said made sense but it still felt counter-intuitive. It seemed an almost impossible task, to hand to others what he had been carrying for so long. It wasn't fair to burden other people with the problems that he himself had created. They would come to resent him for it eventually. Maybe that would be okay because at least he would be expecting it, but what about Hide? Sometimes he felt like a weight on Hide's ankle, dragging him like an anchor into crushing depths and heavy darkness. Now that things were settling down, shouldn't Hide go back to college? He could leave all of this and be happy with a normal life and human friends. He could start playing baseball again like he had in high school. He would never have to worry about his roommate eating him. Eating him _again_.

Kaneki felt the light caress of Hide's hand on his arm, the back of his knuckles brushing over the pink, puffy scars of the newly-healed wounds. Hide's voice became thoughtful. “Geeze, you're not the only one getting hurt when you do this, y'know?”

Kaneki looked up in surprise and was alarmed by the intensity Hide's that dark amber stare. “Hide?”

Hide continued in that same quiet voice, sounding much louder in their still apartment, “Don't make me watch you hurt yourself when you don't have to. Not again.”

After a moment, Kaneki nodded stiffly without breaking eye contact.

“Okay,” it was almost a croak so he quickly cleared his throat, “Okay. I'm sorry. I'll do better, Hide.”

“Nooooo,” Hide drawled and flung himself dramatically across Kaneki's lap. “Not better, do worse! Be lazier! Let the underlings handle the nonsense and you should, like, just chill and eat some hand-peeled grapes or something.”

“Isn't that your job? Get up and get peeling.” Kaneki laughed and fought against the blush that he felt threatening to rise in his cheeks, already pinkening his ears. He jiggled his knee and Hide groaned at the unwelcome movement.

“I should have known that power would change you! Forsooth, Kaneki!”

“I'm not sure you're using that right.”

 

…

 

As retribution for making her worry (“I wasn't worried, you just piss me off,” Touka huffed), Kaneki was working downstairs in the café the following morning. It was a familiar rhythm that he welcomed; the careful swirl of hot water over ground beans, greeting the customers when hearing the cheerful chime of the bell over the door, and the nostalgic smell of coffee that permeated everything. When he had been living with the Quinx, they had tried out several different cafés, but it wasn't until Kaneki regained his memories that he realized what he had been searching for in these places. What he had really missed were the distinct blends that only Anteiku had. The unique flavor that only Yoshimura's, and now Touka's, coffee seemed to have.

Touka finished arranging a fresh batch of chocolate croissants behind the glass display and then went over to where Kaneki stood at the sink. He was quietly humming as he washed a glass decanter.

“You seem like you're in a pretty good mood.” She grinned and playfully bumped his hip with her own.

“Yeah, I guess so.” Kaneki returned her smile. 

“Hide talked to you?”

“He did.”

“And the make-up sex was that good?”

Kaneki fumbled and almost dropped the decanter. He gave Touka a very sour look as she let out a bark of laughter.

“God,” she laughed, her shoulders shaking with mirth, “I can't believe how easy you still are.”

Kaneki's face instantly flushed. “Touka, that's not- we didn't-”

"Yeah yeah, Mister-We're-Just-Best-Friends.” Touka cut him off with a loud, long-suffering sigh. She plucked the wet glass from his hands and set it on the drying rack. “Are you really not going to tell him?”

Kaneki considered her quietly for a moment, then picked up a mug to wash. “I'm not sure I'll ever get used to you watching out for Hide, since I used to spend a lot of time worrying that you would kill him.” He smiled, though not unkindly.

“Eh.” Touka shrugged and leaned against the counter. “I still might murder his dumb face right off if I have to hear one more fucking coffee pun. But now you're avoiding the question.” Kaneki frowned at her. Touka gave him a butter-wouldn't-melt-in-my-angelic-mouth smile.

“Hide is...” Kaneki licked his lips, now carefully turning his attention to the mug he was scrubbing and avoiding Touka's knowing stare. “Hide is infinitely valuable to me as a friend. I'm not going to risk our relationship just because I've started to- to look at him differently.”

“Kaneki.”

“Please, Touka, don't say anything to him.”

“Fuck, I wasn't going to!” Kaneki felt rather than saw her roll her eyes. “But do you really think he would reject you?”

“No, of course not,” Kaneki scoffed. “He would turn me down very politely, say something to the effect of 'always being there but just not-in-that-way', and then make an awkward, uncomfortable joke about friends with cannibal-benefits before making me a cup of Consolation Coffee.”

“Cannibal-benefits?”

“His terrible pun output increases exponentially when he's nervous.”

“How have you survived him this long.” Touka shook her head in mock-disbelief.

Kaneki sighed and passed the clean, wet mug to Touka. “Even so, things would change, wouldn't they? He would definitely see me differently after that.” Kaneki felt a tightness in his chest and he tried not to think about losing Hide's casual affectionate touches; his hand ruffling Kaneki's hair, playfully punching his arm, leaning into each other while they watched a movie.

Hide's fingers ghosting over the already fading scars on his arm. As though Kaneki were someone worthy of being touched gently. Someone worth anything.

He was physically pulled out of his reverie by Touka tugging on his ear.

“Ugh, don't make that face! Go check on the tables. You'll have time to needlessly fret about your boy problems later.”

“Touka, I'm serious-”

“So am I!” She pushed a clean towel into his hands and then startled him by reaching towards his face. Kaneki suppressed the reflexive need to flinch away and let her softly brush her fingers through his hair, rearranging his bangs so that more of his face showed.

“Hide trusted you enough to let you treat him like a fucking lunch special. Shouldn't you have more faith in him?” Kaneki said nothing as Touka removed a bobby pin from her own hair and placed it in his. She leaned back to take one last look at her work and then nodded, satisfied. “Now, go earn your keep and charm some customers.”

“Alright,” Kaneki said. He finished drying his hands and watched Touka count the scones in the display. Despite her tone, she really was a patient person. It was good to have her in his life again. “Thank you, Touka.”

“Shut up, you'll make me lose count.”

 

…

 

Hide came back late that night after a recon and surveillance mission in the eleventh ward. He yawned as he shrugged off his coat and scarf and rubbed his hands over his face. The nights were beginning to get much colder as winter began to settle in earnest. He made a mental note to buy thicker socks.

Kaneki had left a lamp on in the living room for him, which wasn't unusual, but the presence of the king himself was. He was slumped in the armchair, book tented open on his lap, and rubbing at his eyes behind his glasses. After leaving his shoes by the door, Hide went into the living room and sat on one of the arms.

“Hey, nerd." Hide nudged Kaneki with his elbow and a slow, sleepy grin lit up his face. “You waited up for me?”

“Um, yeah, I guess I did.” Kaneki smiled sheepishly, ducking his head as he marked the page in his book and then set it aside.

“Any particular reason? Or did you just miss this beautiful face all day?”

“I did miss you.”

Hide blinked in surprise, though the sentiment must have been unintentional because Kaneki coughed awkwardly before continuing. “I wanted to know if you were still available tomorrow. Er, that is, if you had made any plans.”

“Nah, not really. I was planning on sleeping in, but that was it.” Hide half-shrugged, too tired for the full movement. He glanced at the wall clock. It was just past three in the morning. “What do you need me for? Ooh, for that project in the eighth ward? I'll need to grab some of the equipment I left at Banjou's.”

“Actually, that's been pushed back a day. We're waiting for the team in fifth to get back so that we don't have too many people away from the base here.”

Hide watched Kaneki rub his knuckles.  _He's nervous?_

“Since I'm now free tomorrow too, I was wondering if you would want to just... hang out, I guess?”

“What, really?”

“Well, y-yeah,” Kaneki faltered, unsure. “I mean, you don't have to-”

Hide laughed and slid down from the arm into the seat of the chair. Kaneki yelped and tried to make room as his personal-space-challenged roommate squished up against him. Hide responded by snaking an arm around the shoulders of his affection-starved friend. He pulled Kaneki in closer so that he could ruffle his snow-white hair.

“Of course I wanna hang out, you dork! You usually end up looking for more work or, like, doing your cray vigilante-type stuff on your down days, so yeah! What a treat!”

“It's not 'cray',” Kaneki mumbled into Hide's chest. Now that the offender had ceased his cranial assault, Kaneki let himself become soft and pliant with sleepiness. The arm resting across his shoulders was a nice, comforting weight.

Hide smiled and rubbed his thumb idly on Kaneki's arm, enjoying the softness of his jumper. “It is a little cray.”

…

 


	2. Themes & Types

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yes we're boys and we're friends but we're not boyfriends and sure it's a date but it's not a date-date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for the kudos and comments!! I love to read them :) I will be updating every Friday from now on until it's finished.

Hide woke up half past ten to the rich aroma of freshly brewed coffee. He smiled to himself and wriggled happily in his blanket cocoon. It was nice not to live alone anymore. Waking up to Kaneki's presence in their shared apartment was its own kind of quiet joy. Eventually he emerged from his bedroom, still wrapped in a comforter.

"Good morning, Hide." Kaneki looked up from his book and smiled as Hide shuffled onto the stool next to him at the kitchen bar. The blanket burrito murmured his thanks and wrapped his hands around the steaming mug. A companionable silence fell between them as they drank their coffee. Distantly, they could hear noise from the morning rush in the café downstairs: the clink of silverware and china or the sound of laughter.

Hide thought it really was the small moments like this that made everything worth it. He watched Kaneki drink his coffee and read, enjoying the small contented sighs the bookworm sometimes made after swallowing. Despite how much the two of them had changed over the years, there was something that would always be wonderfully familiar in the way that Kaneki was while he was reading. The way his hands would curl around the edge of a book, the quiet concentration as his eyes skimmed a page, the reverence with which he would touch a passage that he found particularly moving, his mouth silently forming the words as he committed them to memory. There were the newer things too, like the thumb holes that had been worked into almost all of his sweaters (something the Kaneki from their childhood never would have done, wanting his clothes to last as long as possible).

When he was mostly through his drink, Hide felt awake enough to drop the comforter away from his shoulders and let it pile in his lap instead. Kaneki took the hint and a moment later marked his place and closed the book.

"What did you wanna do today?"

"I didn't really have anything in mind."

"We could go to the bookstore."

Kaneki made a noncommittal noise. "We always do that."

"You always like it."

"Well, yes," Kaneki shifted his attention to picking at the thumb hole in his sleeve, "But I thought that this time we should do something you like."

When Hide took too long to answer, Kaneki looked up from his hands to find him grinning from ear to ear.

"What?"

Hide leaned heavily against him, the stool teetering dangerously for a moment.

"Careful!"

"Ka~ne~ki, what's this? What's the occasion?"

"I- I don't, I mean..." Kaneki looked like he wanted to move away but couldn't without unbalancing the both of them. He settled for refusing to make eye contact and spoke instead to the freckles that were dusted across Hide's nose and cheekbones. "You've been... You're always doing things like that for me." He tucked a lock of hair behind his ear and continued the motion by running his thumb along the edge his jaw. "I thought that I should start returning the favor."

"Yeah?" Hide was still broadcasting his 100-watt smile.

"Yes." Kaneki pouted, pointedly looking away from him. But by doing so he instead gave Hide a closer view of his pink ears, the color bright against his white hair. "So go get dressed and think about where you want to go."

 

...

 

It had taken more than an hour to get to the park at the coast, but Kaneki thought it was worth it to watch Hide dart around excitedly. Presently, he was leaning over the railing overlooking the inlet, his feet up on the bottom rung, and inhaling deeply to fill his lungs with salt air. Kaneki pushed his shoulder in a mock attempt to unbalance him and laughed when Hide responded by throwing his arms wide in an overly theatrical gesture.

"I'm flying, Jack!"

"You're ridiculous, Rose."

Hide almost really did lose his balance when he turned sharply to stare at Kaneki, more than a little surprised that he would play along. Usually, even if he did know the reference, Kaneki would just sigh in exasperation or ignore him entirely.

Hide jumped down from the railing to catch up to Kaneki who had continued walking along the path that followed the sea. They talked for a while about inconsequential things; the weather was a bit chilly but nice, the café was doing well. Kaneki spoke about the book he was currently reading and his predictions for where the plot was going and what would happen to some of the characters. He had been reading fewer tragedies and more adventure narratives lately. These books didn't always have the depth of character development he liked but the people in them were more varied and had happier endings. Hide went through a mental list of the movies he had missed seeing while they were busy doing their 'saving the world thing'. There were some that he had also put off seeing specifically because he wanted to watch them with Kaneki.

"Really? But I was Haise for so long. You couldn't have known if I would even come back."

"Yes, I did," Hide smiled fondly at him, "I knew."

Kaneki ducked his head in embarrassment, letting his bangs hide his face. "Of course you can say that now."

Hide laughed and slung an arm around his shoulders. Their feet stumbled for a moment at the new proximity and then fell into step. "Kaneki, if our time together has taught you nothing else, you should at least know that I am always right."

"Oh yeah?" Kaneki gave him a doubtful look. "And last week when you ate those expired leftovers?"

Hide waved his free arm in a dismissive sort of way. "Doesn't matter. Since I am right 120% of the time and that only lowered my rate of correctness by 2%, I am still right 118% of the time."

"Why are you like this."

Hide laughed again; a bright, melodious sound that Kaneki was certain he would never tire of hearing.

The trees were losing their leaves and littered the ground in splashes of red and gold. Hide thought that his scarf matched perfectly with the scenery. Kaneki was still appalled that he would sometimes wear the bright orange abomination while out on missions. They had the park mostly to themselves, seeing other people only occasionally as they wandered about. Every time they did pass someone, Kaneki would tug self-consciously on the edge of the gray knit cap he had on.

"You're okay," Hide said after another couple had passed out of earshot. "They've all been humans today."

"I ought to dye it back." Kaneki glumly fiddled with a lock of white hair. "Or buy another wig. I stand out too much in public like this."

"You could go Eto-style and start doing the full-body mummy wrap." When Kaneki didn't respond right away he continued in an apologetic tone, "Too soon?"

Kaneki shook his head. "I don't know. I guess I don't think she's really dead."

"Why's that?"

"Just... my intuition." He gave Hide a knowing smirk.

Hide grinned. "Yeah, me neither."

They came to another edge of the park that opened onto the inlet. Hide let out a _whoop!_ of joy and sprinted towards the water. He vaulted one of the park benches that was situated near the railing and dropped heavily into the seat. Then he turned to give Kaneki a meaningful look and patted the spot next to him. Kaneki shrugged and walked around the bench to sit next to him.

"Show off," Kaneki teased him.

"Pssh, I don't wanna hear that from a wannabe tragic hero." Hide nudged him with his shoulder.

They were quiet for a while, just looking out at the water and the line of buildings on the other side of the inlet. Listening to the sound of the waves and the gull cries overhead and the occasional watercraft. Hide stretched his arms behind his head and took deep breaths of the sea air.

"We should come back during the spring, when everything is in bloom. I saw some cherry trees back there too, I bet those will be great."

"I don't want to hear that from a wannabe shoujo protagonist." Kaneki tried to keep a straight face when Hide looked outrageously offended at his jibe.

"How dare you! I would look absolutely gorgeous standing underneath the gentle rain of pink blossoms! My love interest definitely wouldn't be able to resist me."

"Is that a threat?" Kaneki bit his tongue as soon as the words were out of his mouth but he didn't turn away.

Hide looked at him strangely. "Kaneki..."

"Ugh," said a third voice.

They both whipped around to see-

"Kimi! Nishio-senpai!"

"Stop calling me that. I haven't been your senpai for years."

"You're my senpai in _life._ " Hide nodded sagely.

"Hello, boys!" Kimi smiled congenially and elbowed Nishio in the ribs hard enough to make him wince. "Seems like you had the same idea as us. It's a nice day, isn't it?"

"Yeah! It's pretty great here. I even got Kaneki to risk exposure from direct sunlight!"

"I'm not a vampire." Kaneki pouted.

"No, you're just a pale nerd."

Kimi laughed and ruffled Hide's hair. "That's right, don't go easy on him or he might end up like _this_ one." She inclined her head towards her boyfriend.

"Kimi..."

"Alright, alright." Kimi held up her hands in surrender. "We're going to the tea house towards the center of the park. Would you two like to join us?"

Kaneki subtlety touched the inside of Hide's wrist.

"Actually," Hide scratched his cheek, "We were just about to head out. Maybe we could meet you for coffee some other time? We haven't hung out in a while."

Kimi nodded enthusiastically. "Of course! We'll have to drop by Anteiku more often. We haven't seen nearly enough of you since Nishiki started his pharmacy internship."

Nishio began to steer her away by their linked arms, muttering a "See ya."

Kimi waved goodbye to them. "See you later! Enjoy your-" she waved her hand in a vague gesture "-enjoy your day!"

Kaneki waved awkwardly after them. "Well," he said to Hide, "That was a little weird, right?"

Hide hummed in agreement as he watched them go. “Was that why you didn't want to go with them?”

“Sort of. It's more that since Nishio's gotten back into school and he's been less active with us... it feels like I shouldn't bother them.” Kaneki looked back out at the sea. “Their relationship has endured a lot, especially because of me. If they can live a normal life, I want them to enjoy it.”

Hide nodded. “Well, as normal a life that a horse shit aficionado can have.”

“Gross!” Kaneki laughed.

 

...

 

On their way back to the station, Hide's phone buzzed. He took it out and read the text, a bemused smile crossing his face.

“What is it?” Kaneki glanced at the screen but Hide was already tucking the cell back into his jacket pocket.

“Just Kimi. Hey, let's go this way!” Hide hooked Kaneki's arm in his own and then veered them down a sidewalk to the right instead of crossing the street.

“H-Hide!” Kaneki let go when he was sure that he wouldn't stumble. It seemed like they were heading towards a shopping area and more people were out on the street. He nervously readjusted his cap. “Where are we going?”

“There's a bookstore over this way.” Hide grinned.

“We really don't have to.” Kaneki glanced into a passing shop window at his reflection. He hoped that Hide would mistake his blush for sensitivity to the cold.

“It's a _used_ bookstore.”

Kaneki frowned.

Hide waggled his eyebrows with alarming speed.

“Well, I guess we could just take a quick peek.” He tugged at his hat again, but not surreptitiously enough for Hide.

“Pfft, c'mere you.” Hide tugged on Kaneki's hand to pull him next to a streetlamp on the sidewalk. Then he took off his scarf and looped it over Kaneki's shoulders.

“Hide, the idea is not to stand out.”

“Wrong! The idea is to hide in plain sight,” Hide winked, “And dark lords of the underworld generally aren't this adorable in brightly colored scarves. Besides, you look cold. Your face is pretty red, y'know?”

 

...

 

They returned home just as the sun was beginning to set. The sky was painted in warm hues of pink and orange and Kaneki had a bag full of books that he had refused to let Hide carry. He lingered near the side of the building while Hide peered into a window.

“There's just a couple in the corner. Let's go in through the front.” When Kaneki hesitated, Hide grabbed the handle of his bag and pulled him along to the door.

 _Theme of the day_ , Kaneki thought as he glanced at the couple seated at the other end of the cafe. They were completely absorbed in each other and hadn't so much as glanced at him. Touka looked up from where she was preparing a fresh pot of coffee when she heard the door bell chime.

“Oh, just you two.” Touka clicked her tongue. “Here I was hoping for actual customers.”

“Why would anyone come here? I hear the manager is cute but she's got a real attitude problem.” Hide leaned across the counter with one of his shit-eating grins. “But I respect that. After all, you're just tryin' to _espresso_ yourself.”

“I was going to murder you,” Touka said conversationally, “But now I'm considering fates worse than death.”

“I'll, uh, be upstairs.” Kaneki coughed to cover a laugh. He went back through the Staff Only door, already pulling out a book so that he could read the dust jacket.

Hide waited until he heard Kaneki's footsteps on the stairs fade.

“So, Touka.”

She poured the hot coffee into three mugs and passed one to Hide. When it became obvious that she wouldn't be forthcoming with any information, Hide continued.

“We ran into Kimi and Nishio today. All the way out there at the coast. Don't suppose you'd know anything about that?”

Touka shrugged, her expression neutral. “You went to one of the nicest parks in one of the safest areas of Tokyo. The whole place was probably littered with couples.”

Hide hummed and blew on his coffee. “Not untrue. But they were acting a little strange,” he reached into his jacket for his phone, “And then Kimi sent me this.”

_Hi again Hide!!! :)_

_your bf is into books yeah?_

_There's a 2 nd hand store on the way to the station_

_u should go!!_

_[map.jpg]_

_let's go on a double soon!!_

_xoxo ~kimi_

Touka hid her smile behind a sip of her coffee.

“What are you up to?”

Shhe came out from behind the bar walked past Hide towards the couple. “Take that mug up to him, would you?”

Hide watched her for a moment, chewing on his lower lip. Then he reached over the counter to grab a tray and, balancing the two mugs, he headed for the stairs.

 ...


	3. Recurring Symbolism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide smiled and reached for him, just like he always had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohgosh ohgosh ohgosh!! Thank you everyone for your kind comments and kudos. :) this chapter is all flashback and everything takes place before ch1 (it also shows where Indulgence fits in so yeah get ready)!

Meetings with Hide had always marked the beginning of a new chapter in his life.

Kaneki remembered.

They were children and he had never had a friend before. Well, a friend who was an actual person anyway. The books in his small hands contained infinite worlds, infinite possibilities. How could one ever be lonely when they were a turn of the page away from a brand new adventure? And the characters in books were so much easier to understand than real people were. Everything was laid out before him: a person's goals, motivations, their influences. Every written word had a purpose to play in guiding the reader forward through the story.

Everything out here, in the real world, was so much more senseless. If school was a place for both academic learning and social development, why couldn't he figure out how to communicate with others? If adults were supposed to protect you, why did his teachers' eyes skim over the telltale dark blotches on his arms? If mother was hardworking and kind, why did she sometimes get so angry with him? If children were innocent then why did his classmates steal his books and, sometimes, aim for the fresh bruises?

They must know something he didn't, Kaneki supposed. Maybe he was an antagonist in this story and just hadn't realized it. He must be hurting others in some way he didn't understand. He wasn't sure how to atone for this yet, but he would figure it out eventually. Until then, the least he could do was try to keep from hurting others anymore than he already had. It was always better to be hurt than to give that pain to someone else. So, it was okay. This was okay.

This was just the role he had to play.

But maybe I'm doing something right after all, Kaneki thought as he shook Hide's sticky hand with his own. Hide didn't like to read novels or being quiet for too long and he always preferred to be outside. But for some inexplicable reason he also seemed to prefer Kaneki's company over everyone else. He stole Kaneki's books back and spoke up on his behalf and always seemed to know just what to do to make him smile.

_I can't be all bad if you're here with me._

_..._

The second meeting was underground. They were adults and one of them was no longer human.

The monstrosity that Kaneki had become was barely able to recognize his lifelong friend through the haze of pain and blood lust. Hide didn't belong here in this setting, down in the deepdark with him. Hide was light and kindness and easy companionship. Hide was everything that Kaneki was no longer worthy of deserving.

But really, had be ever been?

_a dream, I'm dreaming, just a dream_

Everything that had happened was his answer. Yamori had peeled away the false layers to reach the core of violence in his heart. This is what everyone else had always known, but that he couldn't see (turned away from, didn't want to see). He was destructive and disgusting and destroyed everything he touched.

_monster monster fucking repulsive monster so hungry want to tear rend devour can't go back can't pretend anymore you're not even human nothing left up there can't be forgiven can't be loved_

Hide smiled and reached for him, just like he always had.

The hand on his shoulder was too warm and it burned.

...

The third time, Kaneki was sure he was dead. Hide couldn't really be here, he had died a lifetime ago in a sewer. Kaneki killed him, didn't he? Oh god, he killed Arima too. Killed so many people who deserved to live far more than he did. But it's okay right? He fixed it, didn't he? Hinami, alive. Touka and the others safe. It's over now.

"S-sorry, Hide," he choked out around the blood in his mouth and tried to manage a small smile up at him. The light reflected prettily off of Hide's hair, crowning him with a halo. Always so pretty.

Hide shook his head and cradled him closer. "Shut up, idiot, you need to rest."

His arms were too heavy, but he lifted one slowly to touch Hide's face. He tried to keep his trembling, clawed hand steady so that he wouldn't accidentally cut him. "Sorry... I tried to keep living, like you wanted. I g-guess I couldn't but I--" He coughed wetly and Hide shushed him in a low voice.

"Don't worry about that." Hide guided Kaneki's arm back down. He began to wipe his face with a cloth, cleaning away the tears and blood and whatever else Kaneki was caked with. The feeling of Hide's hand on him was nice. Being held like this was nice too. He felt so warm and real. Kaneki blinked slowly, feeling himself drift but not wanting to lose the wonderful image above him.

"It's okay, Kaneki. Get some sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."

Kaneki hoped he nodded, but moving was hard. He let his eyes slide shut and the scene faded to black.

Being dead shouldn't hurt this much.

Kaneki groaned upon waking with a murderous headache and feeling too thirsty, dehydrated. But then he opened his eyes and saw Hide lying next to him on the bedroll and somehow he still had enough energy and tears left in his body to begin crying anew. The earnest, heartfelt sobs shook him down to his core and echoed in every bruised muscle and fractured bone. He buried his face in Hide's chest and reveled in the feeling of familiar warm arms wrapped around him.

 

…

 

"Stop picking at that!" Hide slapped Kaneki's hand away from where he had been scratching his arm.

"I don't think it really matters," Kaneki said, turning his wrist over to examine where the raw, red, and very human flesh was exposed. Little by little over the past few months, his kagune limbs had been flaking off. Small red scales that itched like scabs could now be peeled away to reveal his normal skin underneath. Even the arm that he had lost over a year ago during the Tsukiyama raid had been showing progress.

"I'll just be glad when I can start wearing socks again." His feet- although more human than they had been and now with the correct number of toes- remained clawed and a bit too long. He stretched them out now to see where the scales on his legs faded out about midway up his calves.

"It really is the little things, isn't it?" Hide laughed. "Can you imagine if you had to get shoes for those chicken legs? Hey, I said to stop that!"

"I can't help it," Kaneki rubbed his wrist again, "But it's not like it's going to get infected or something."

"You don't know that."

"Hide, I've had my limbs amputated enough times to know what to expect. Well, the chicken feet are new..."

For a few minutes, there was only the sound of the movie playing on their TV. Hide had gone uncharacteristically quiet. Kaneki cleared his throat and picked at a scale on his knuckle. "Sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"Stop picking!" Hide batted at Kaneki. Then he took one hand into both of his own and pulled it into his lap.

Kaneki blinked. "Seriously?"

"If you're gonna act like a little kid then I'm gonna treat you like one." Hide gently massaged his knuckles, which did help to relieve some of the itching. "Now behave yourself and watch the movie. Or else the next step is oven mitts and duct tape."

Kaneki smiled and returned his attention to the television. Even though his sense of touch was dulled through the layer of scales, he still felt sensitive to Hide's careful ministrations.

Later that night while on the cusp of wakefulness and dreaming, he would imagine his hand in Hide's again. Hide, still blond, smiling as he rubbed the tension out of his first knuckle- the one he would sometimes still crack when agitated- then lifting the hand to his mouth to kiss the tip of every finger.

Instead of pulling away, like he would if he were awake, Kaneki brought both hands (human, pink flesh) up to cup Hide's face and gazed into his dark brown eyes. He pulled him into a kiss, hands slipping through his hair to the back of his head. Hide leaned in heavily, pushing on his chest until Kaneki fell back onto the couch with the other on top of him. Hide's hands were on his jaw, his collarbone, his chest, and moving lower. His lips followed after, leaving burning kisses in their wake.

Kaneki moaned when the kisses reached his stomach. His hands, still tangled in Hide's hair, pushed him further still. Hide smirked at him and said some quip, teasing Kaneki for his eagerness even as he pulled down the zipper on his pants. Kaneki gasped and arched his back at the feeling of Hide's mouth on him. Hide kept him from rising too far with a firm grip on his hips, even as his head bobbed lower and lower to take more of Kaneki into his throat. When Kaneki felt himself getting close, he pulled on Hide's hair to warn him. His hands were batted away and Hide swallowed around his cock, his tongue-

Kaneki awoke with a start, breathing heavily. He was in his own bed in the middle of the night. Alone. Right. He groped around in the dark for a pillow, then pressed it over his face and groaned. Of course he would wake up with sticky shorts like a fucking teenager. Having a wet dream about his fucking platonic best friend _fuck fuck_.

But it didn't have to mean anything, he told himself as he groggily got out of bed to change into something less gross. His subconscious was doing weird shit all the time, this was just another piece of the brain fuckery cake. It didn't have to mean anything.

So when Hide passed him a cup of coffee in the morning and their fingers brushed, Kaneki ignored (realized that he had already been ignoring) the way his heart fluttered at the contact. When Hide playfully bumped his arm with his own, Kaneki disregarded the impulse to lean against him. He didn't think about the way he was thinking about what it would feel like to run his fingers through Hide's hair, darker than it had been and no longer brittle with bleach. And he definitely didn't let his eyes linger for too long on Hide's lips and the way he would chew on them, tap a pen against them, the way they would stretch around his smile.

However, one evening when Kaneki had come home late and Hide was already in bed, he found one of his stupidly bright shirts hanging off the back of the armchair. Hide had probably left it out and forgotten it after folding laundry earlier. Kaneki sighed and picked it up to fold it, lifting it to his face on a whim to enjoy that clean-laundry smell. And sure, it did smell like lavender detergent, but it also smelled like Hide.

Instead of doing the sensible thing, Kaneki then took the shirt into his room with him. After getting ready for bed, he stretched the shirt over a pillow and hugged it to his chest. The way Hide's scent calmed his nerves and the way his heart ached... that might actually mean something. He fell asleep curled around the pillow.

Kaneki woke too early, roused from slumber by another sex dream. When instead of trying to go back to sleep he made the decision to masturbate while thinking of Hide, he was ready to admit that this was officially a problem. Then after he orgasmed while listening to Hide's voice he decided that he may actually need to address this sooner rather than later.

 _I shouldn't want this. I shouldn't want him_. And more than that, he didn't _deserve_ Hide. Didn't even deserve what he had now, so why should he push his luck and ruin what he had barely managed to rebuild? Why was he even thinking of a romantic relationship with Hide like it was a viable option? So maybe the wanting was okay, because he hadn't done that in a while, but he definitely couldn't act on it. He could let himself feel the way he wanted to about Hide but it wasn't like it was real. It was just another facet of the fantasy world that he sometimes lived in, like in his books. Imagining was fun, but he couldn't let it bleed into the real world. Hide was a beloved friend and their relationship was too valuable to risk. It was a miracle that they had lasted even this long.

Whenever he saw the rough scars on Hide's left shoulder, he knew that he had already taken too much from him.

“Kaneki?”

Hide's voice brought his attention back to where they were in the bookshop.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, I'm fine.” Kaneki smiled from behind his hand. “Just not quite awake yet.”

“Hmm.” Hide scrutinized him. “I'm worried about how high your caffeine tolerance has gotten.”

Kaneki re-shelved the book he had been looking at but not really seeing. “Well, I guess I could switch to tea instead.”

Hide snorted. “Yeah, I could see you as a Darjeeling kinda guy.”

“A what?”

“Darjeeling. It's a kind of tea.”

“Oh.” Kaneki walked slowly down the aisle, fingers grazing the spines of books. He wasn't searching for anything in particular but it was nice just to smell them.

A current of electricity shocked him from his listlessness when Hide grabbed his hand and urged him to come along. “C'mon! I have an idea.”

Kaneki let Hide guide him through the labyrinth of book shelves, away from fiction and into references. They passed through cooking, home improvement, papercraft, back through home improvement-

“Do you know where you're going?”

“I have a naturally keen sense of direction,” Hide said solemnly as he stood on his toes to peer over the nearby shelves. “Aaaand it's this way!” He walked with enough energy in his steps to practically be cantering. Kaneki followed after and hoped that his palm wasn't too sweaty in Hide's hand.

“Gardening?” Kaneki frowned.

“Yeah!” Hide enthused, picking up the book that seemed to have the most pictures and flipping through. “We don't have a balcony or anything, but there's that long window in the living room,” he tapped on a page and showed it to Kaneki, “We could totally make one of those window box gardens!”

Kaneki raised his eyebrows and took the proffered book from Hide. “That... actually sounds like it could be fun.”

“What do you mean 'actually'!” Hide puffed but Kaneki didn't reply; his eyes were already skimming the text. Hide smiled and watched him read.

...


	4. The Best Friend Archetype

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Does it still count as a rom-com if everyone is crying?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last week's chapter of tg:re fucked me up!!!! lol jk every chapter of re fucks me up :(

Touka locked the front door and flipped the sign to 'closed.' Even through the glass, she could feel the cold from outside trying to seep in. She mused about the idea of putting hot chocolate on the menu as a seasonal item. People liked that sort of thing, right? She would have to get Hide to show her how to make it. Humming, she wiped down the counter and opened the register.

"Touka, what the hell is this?"

Touka glanced over from where she had been counting the day's receipts. Kaneki stood in the door to the back holding up a whiteboard that she had definitely hidden.

"Where did you find that?"

"Wedged behind the freezer. While I was cleaning."

Touka swore and slapped her hand on the counter, making the register _ding_ halfheartedly. "Curse your fastidious nature!"

"Touka," Kaneki's voice took on an edge, "Seriously, what is this?"

The whiteboard had a list of calendar dates and each date was followed by a hand-drawn emoji and an amount of yen. The writing at the top declared that this was the 'Waiting for Love-Love Challenge.'

"You can blame the name on Hinami. She thought it was cute. But also that you probably wouldn't see it."

"And what, exactly, am I looking at?"

Touka dropped her gaze and began to carefully straighten her stack of receipts. "It may or may not be a series of bets on when you and your roommate will decide to start dating."

There was the clatter of Kaneki dropping the board. Touka looked over to see him with his shoulders slumped and face buried in his hands.

"Everyone knows?"

"Uh. Well-"

"Fuck," Kaneki lamented. "Fucking fuck."

Touka sighed and bent to pick up the board. "Come on, it's not a big deal-"

"Not a big-!" Kaneki lowered his hands to reveal a beet-red face. "Touka, this isn't- we're not!" He jabbed at the board next to a crude drawing of a smiling poop emoji. "Go ahead and cash out to the poop because it's 'never gonna happen'! Oh god, did Nishio write this?"

"He bet 5,000 yen on it," Touka nodded.

Kaneki groaned and put his face back in his hands.

"Oh, get over yourself!” Touka rolled her eyes. “I'm sorry we teased you but don't you think that-"

"You're just sorry that I found out about it," Kaneki frowned at her. "It isn't funny!"

"For fuck's sake, stop making such a big deal out of this! Just tell the boy you like him and solve the fuckin' problem."

"It's not that simple!"

"Yes, it is!” Touka snapped back, voice rising. “Aren't you dragging this out for too long?"

"Aren't you just trying to make up for what happened with Yoriko?"

A terse silence fell between them.

"Don't you- fucking-" Touka's voice shook with anger. "It's not the same."

"Didn't you say that she deserved a normal life? A human life?" Kaneki's eyes were bright with tears. "I want that for Hide, too."

"I saw him snap a ghoul's neck with his thighs last week!" Touka laughed bitterly. "Yoriko is a baker! She can't defend herself the way he can. And I can't be-" She blinked rapidly and stared out the window into the dark street. "I can't protect her. And not just from other ghouls. She hates violence. She would never be okay with... She could never accept..." Touka lowered her head and rushed past Kaneki, roughly bumping him out of her way. "I'm done for tonight. Finish cleaning up, asshole."

 

...

 

Kaneki laid awake in bed a few hours later, curled around what he was now calling the Shame Pillow. The T-shirt had already lost most of Hide's scent during the two months he'd had it but it was still a comfort to him. He really ought to give it back soon. He could throw it into the washer the next time Hide did laundry or something. Kaneki heard the click of the front door being unlocked and quickly rolled to turn off the light on his nightstand. In the dark, he listened to Hide come inside and pause to take off his shoes and coat.

Hide softly padded into the living room and turned off the light that Kaneki had left on for him. Then he came into the hallway and there was silence for a moment. Kaneki took shallow breaths and stayed silent. Eventually, Hide exhaled heavily and Kaneki heard his footsteps go down the hall to his room.

Kaneki pulled the blankets over his head and wished that he had outgrown the habit of crying himself to sleep.

 

...

 

He spent the next couple of weeks dodging Hide in a similar fashion. Their schedules were already conflicting so it wasn't difficult. Kaneki would sometimes be away for days at a time while working to organize ghouls in another district or calm riots that rose in the fall of the CCG. He also continued to work at the cafe, having reached an unspoken agreement with Touka to not talk about what they weren't talking about. Though, things between them were gradually becoming less tense. Hide stayed fairly local but worked long and varied hours as both an information broker and an essential liaison between humans and ghouls. It wasn't hard to simply be unavailable with all the work that needed to be done. Kaneki slipped Hide's shirt back into his laundry at some point.

One day, Hide was gone for much longer than he usually was. He had left the apartment at six in the morning, when the sun had just begun to kiss the sky. Kaneki spent the day working in the cafe and leaving for a few hours to run errands. By the time midnight had rolled around and there was still no sign of him, Kaneki was trying to fight down a rising panic.

 _He can take care of himself. He's fine, probably just sidetracked._ Kaneki told himself as he rubbed his knuckles. He had to wait at least a full day before he let himself succumb to full-blown panic. So he settled in his armchair to read and to wait until Hide returned. He tried not to notice how his eyes were skimming the page without really reading anything, how he strained his ears to listen for every small sound.

_If he gets hurt, it's my fault._

 

Kaneki flinched awake at the feeling of a hand on his face. Alarmed and disoriented, he grabbed the wrist and twisted.

“It's me! It's just me!” Hide yelped and turned his body into the motion to keep Kaneki from hurting him.

Kaneki instantly released him, eyes wide. “Hide! I'm sorry, I didn't- did I hurt you?”

Hide grinned, shaking out his wrist. “Nah, you just scared the crap outta me is all. I see your reflexes are still in fine form.”

Kaneki's eyes flicked to the wall clock to read 2:43am. He had fallen asleep sitting up in the chair. He looked Hide up and down, checking for any obvious sign of injury.

“I'm totally fine,” Hide said as he reclined on the couch, feet up on an armrest and his arms pillowed behind his head. “A little cramped and super tired but ehh.”

“What happened?”

“The longest friggin couple's fight I have ever been witness to.”

“What?”

“Okay, so this was supposed to be a totally routine surveillance deal, right? I'm checking out that rumor about ghouls who have gotten access to some of the old CCG quinque and are re-selling them.” Hide paused to lick his lips. Kaneki stood up and went into the kitchen as he continued, “So I go to check out this old hotel that was decommissioned a few years ago after a fire did some structural damage. Supposed to be super low-key so it's just me. I work faster that way anyway. Do my sleuthing thing, check for clues and footprints and whatever with my giant magnifying glass. Oh hey, thanks.”

Hide gratefully accepted the glass of water from Kaneki and sat up so that he could immediately down half of it. Kaneki sat down next to him.

“It seems like there was some recent activity in there, definitely some kagune residue. So I'm like, 'time to bug this mofo up!' and I do. I bug the entire mofo. And I'm getting ready to leave. But then,” a pause for dramatic effect, “I heard voices. And I'm in the kitchen, so where do I hide? No really, guess.”

“Um, a cabinet?”

“I'll take that as a compliment to my trim figure, but no.”

“The freezer?”

“Too obvious.”

“...The dumbwaiter?”

“I wish! Okay okay, I was stuck in the laundry chute.”

Kaneki laughed. “You said you were in the kitchen.”

“Yeah, and they had a laundry chute! But I didn't wanna fall all the way down, right? I had seen that the basement was partially caved in so I didn't know if I could get out if I just dropped down or how noisy it would be. So, I hung onto the edge of the chute. I mean, not just with my arms, part of the chute had warped so there was a bit of metal I could stand on too.”

“How long?”

“Like three hours.”

Kaneki felt immensely more guilty for trying to twist his arm.

“Don't make that face, you haven't even heard the worst part yet.” Hide grimaced. “It was actually a couple of ghouls. And the woman was definitely there for some Suspicious Activity but! Her boyfriend had followed her there.”

“What.”

“Yeah! Ugh, I'll wrap this up because they were there for a crazy long time and I'm not ready to relive all of it. Basically, he knew that she was up to something too and was all 'we never talk anymore, I don't even know you lately' and she was all 'nah babe nah, you know me' and then they both started yelling and he cried a bunch and she felt bad about making him cry.”

Hide gulped down the rest of the water and set the empty glass on the table. “And after they finally, _finally_ left, I dragged my poor ass out of that chute and collapsed on the floor. And I laid there for like forever while I tried to regain feeling in all my extremities. Then I trekked over to Banjou's to check that all the equipment was working, transmitting, and had a well-deserved nap. Plus he gives like really good shoulder massages? Ballin.”

Kaneki felt the tension leave his muscles as he listened to Hide. Everything was okay. Hide was alive and whole and wonderful. Totally fine. He belatedly noticed the bandage on Hide's palm and gently pulled his wrist closer to inspect it.

“It's fine,” Hide said softly. “I was wearing gloves but some of the metal cut through. Banjou patched me up though.”

Kaneki nodded and used both hands to gingerly rub Hide's knuckles and palm, taking care to avoid the center of the bandage. “Is this alright?”

Hide hummed in agreement, “Yeah, that's nice.”

Kaneki slowly worked his way to Hide's wrist, gently turning the joint to make sure he still had full mobility. His thumb lingered over Hide's pulse point and he felt that it was fast. Surprised, he looked up from their hands to Hide's face. He looked like he was drifting off to sleep; eyes closed, lips slightly parted and entirely too close as he leaned into Kaneki's touch.

_It would be so easy to just_

“Hey,” Kaneki said, barely above a whisper, “You should go to bed.”

“Says Mr. Sleeps-Sitting-Up.” Hide opened his eyes and smiled lazily at him. Then he leaned fully onto Kaneki and nuzzled into the crook between his shoulder and neck.

“Hide?”

“Your sweater is nice,” Hide mumbled. “Carry me.”

Kaneki's eyes lingered on Hide's hair, remembering when it had been bleached yellow. The roots growing too long where it stuck up had given him the appearance of a sunflower. Now it was all dark brown, his natural color, but Kaneki thought that the light reflecting off of it still looked golden.

“Okay.”

“Wait what.”

Kaneki took the hand he still held and draped Hide's arm around his neck. Then he put his own arms around Hide's back and under his knees and lifted. Hide laughed lightly and held on as he was carried to his bedroom. Kaneki laid him down carefully, but when he made to pull away Hide kept his arms looped around his neck.

“Stay for a little bit.”

“Hide, you need to sleep.”

“But I've missed you. I know you've been avoiding me.” Too tired to keep up a mask, the worry on Hide's face was startling evident in the furrow of his brows and the downward pull of his lips. “I don't know why.”

Kaneki swallowed. “Sorry.”

Hide let out a sigh that was almost a whine and used his full weight to pull Kaneki down into a hug. Realizing that resistance was futile, Kaneki cautiously lowered himself half onto the bed and half onto Hide.

Warm. He was so warm with Hide's arms wrapped around him. And the way he could feel Hide's heartbeat in his chest right next to his own... it was too much.

“Hey, don't cry.” Hide pet his head. “Nothing even happened.”

“I'm so glad you're okay.” Kaneki's voice cracked and he pressed his face to Hide's neck. Warm and real.

“Well, me too.” He could hear the smile in Hide's voice. “Thanks for waiting up for me.”

Kaneki huffed a laugh. He felt Hide's chest move with his own quiet laughter, fingers still threading through his hair.

Kaneki fell asleep shortly after he finished crying. After a few minutes of watching the steady rise and fall of his chest, Hide stretched awkwardly underneath him to turn off the table lamp. Then he wrapped his arms back around Kaneki and let himself drift off. His last conscious thoughts were of the street lights that came in through the window and reflected off of Kaneki's white hair.

_Like starlight._

_..._

 


	5. H's Moving Castle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If I give you a hint and tell you it's a hint, it will be information.”  
> ― Diana Wynne Jones, Howl's Moving Castle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Tsukiyama finally starts earning his character tag and chapter titles become a thing. Previous knowledge of HMC not required, but it is helpful. :]

Of course it was a trap. Not that it really mattered. There were, what, a little more than a dozen of them? Easy.

“Fuck you!” the ghoul with the missing eye spat. “I'm the new One-Eyed King! I'll beat your sorry ass, kid!”

“You and all your buddies?” Kaneki smirked, looking at each of them in turn, the wind whipping through his hair and clothes. “Seems a shame, to condemn so many to death just for the sake of one man's pride.”

A few of the ghouls wavered, feet shifting uneasily and kagune twitching. But the one-eye threw back his head and barked a bold, mad laugh. “You can't kill all of us. And when I get my hands on you,” (a manic grin, too many teeth glinting in the moonlight), “I'm gonna fuck you up nice and slow, lil' bitch.”

Kaneki sighed and rolled his neck, shoulders. “Well, you can certainly try.”

When the first few charged forward, Kaneki didn't even bother meeting them head on. He flicked out his kagune in a wide arc and two of them screamed as they were swept off the roof of the building into a freefall. Then came the fun part. He rushed forward into the rest of the mob, dodging a sharp spray of ukaku shards and the heavy hit of a bikaku that exploded the ground at his feet, launching chunks of concrete into the air. Someone grabbed his arm and he smashed their elbow, dodged a ill-timed kick, pierced a ghoul with his kagune when they tried to attack him from behind. All around him were the sounds of pained wails and murderous screams, his heartbeat drumming in his ears at the thrill and rush of adrenaline.

Then above it all was jovial laughter. Kaneki used his kagune to flip a charging ghoul over his head and then turned back to find the source of the new voice; a smiling crescent moon had joined the fray.

“Bonjour!” the man in the purple suit grinned. “What's a mob to a king?”

...

A few minutes later, the night was still again. Kaneki's breathing and pulse were slowing down. The moon-mask approached him, but not too close, stopping a few meters away.

"Kaneki," he nodded.

"Tsukiyama," Kaneki smiled. "Always good to see you."

"Is it?" he asked, his surprise evident even behind the mask.

"It is," Kaneki decided.

Tsukiyama stared at him for a moment longer and then chuckled. He pushed his mask up to wipe away at the sweat and blood on his face. Still as stupidly handsome as ever, Kaneki noted. "Then would you mind joining me somewhere else for a small _tête_ -à- _tête_ ? I think I've had my fill of conversations with you on ominous rooftops."

"It does seem to be a recurring theme." Kaneki looked away from him, a feeling of guilt settling into his stomach as he instead surveyed the surrounding carnage.

"My _château_ isn't far from here, if you wouldn't mind. Red is definitely my color, but I would like to clean up."

Kaneki considered him and then nodded. "Lead the way."

One rooftop-to-rooftop sprint and a few streets later, Kaneki was following Tsukiyama down a fire escape on the back side of an apartment building. Tsukiyama shimmied a window open and then climbed inside, beckoning Kaneki to follow him. His apartment was sparsely furnished but very clean. In fact, there was even a plastic sheet laid down where they had come in through the window. Tsukiyama took his shoes off and left them on the plastic before walking further inside. Kaneki followed suit. He stood around awkwardly, not wanting to get blood on the furniture, while Tsukiyama disappeared into his bedroom.

He returned with an armful of clean clothing and a towel. "Mind the hot water. It can scald if you turn it too far."

Kaneki murmured a thank you as he received the sweatpants and jumper. "I actually prefer my showers a little on the boiling side."

Tsukiyama nodded as Kaneki shut the bathroom door. "I know."

...

Kaneki sat at the kitchen table and sipped on a coffee Tsukiyama had made while he took his turn cleaning up. He emerged from the bathroom in a waft of steam, toweling his hair dry.

"Your coffee is better than it used to be," Kaneki told him.

"Well, I have to make my own now," he smiled ruefully and sat down across from Kaneki.

They didn't talk for a while, just drinking their coffee. Then they both broke the silence at the same time.

"We never really-"

"So how is-"

They stared at each other and then Kaneki giggled nervously, hiding his smile behind his mug. Tsukiyama quietly laughed.

"It's been a while, hasn't it?"

Kaneki nodded, swirling the last of his coffee around in the mug. "We never really... I didn't ever..." He took a deep breath and his expression turned serious. "I'm sorry."

Tsukiyama smiled, a little sadly, and replied, "You don't have to apologize."

"But I want to," Kaneki gripped the mug with both hands. "I never really gave you an ending or closure. I just left you... on a roof. And then I threw you from another one."

Tsukiyama leaned back in his chair, crossing one leg over the other and shrugged. "I wasn't really good for you either. Considering how on-and-off we were, I'm not sure that our relationship even merited a formal breakup."

"Well, maybe I need the closure then," Kaneki examined the wood grain in the table. "Even if we weren't right for each other, that doesn't mean you aren't deserving of my respect. After all, you've done more than enough to earn it."

"Even though I didn't make the best first impression?" he smirked.

"Ehh," Kaneki traced the rim of his mug. "I think at this point I've pushed Nishio to the brink of death more times than you have. Touka thinks it was actually good for him."

Tsukiyama let out a burst of laughter. "Of course she would!" He shook his head, "Why is it that the smallest people I know are also the most terrifying?"

"I hope you're not including me in that description."

"Well, not anymore," Tsukiyama's eyes roved over him. "You were such a waif when I met you but now you're grade A beef. 99% lean meat, very nice."

"Stop that," Kaneki blushed.

Tsukiyama quirked an eyebrow at him. "Why? Is there someone else?" When Kaneki's response was to become even more flustered, he grinned. "Sunshine boy, right?"

"How does everyone know about this?! I mean..." He set his mug down and rubbed his hands over his face. "We're not like that."

"Why not?"

"Because I like what we already have!"

"Kaneki," Tsukiyama chided, "If you go into something expecting it to fail, then of course it's going to fail."

Kaneki lowered his hands from his face so that Tsukiyama could receive the full force of his overwhelming disbelief.

"Well, it's your call," he stood up, collecting the empty mugs. "But I think he feels the same way about you."

Kaneki regarded Tsukiyama as he walked to the sink to rinse out the mugs. He opened his mouth, then thought better of it and closed it again. Finally he said, "I think that Hide would be better off if he were with someone less dangerous."

Tsukiyama snickered and smiled at him incredulously. "I've seen that guy trick a ghoul into eating his own hand. I think your worries are well-intentioned but horribly misplaced. Anyway, you need to leave now."

"Pardon?" A plastic bag containing his soiled clothes was pushed into his arms and then Kaneki was ushered out of his seat and back towards the window.

"Papa is coming home soon and it wouldn't do to have strange men in the house. So, Kaneki Ken," he put both hands on Kaneki's shoulders, "I'm breaking up with you."

Kaneki began to retort but Tsukiyama cut him off.

"No no, it's not you. It's me," his grin was a little wicked. "I'm afraid I just can't quit my deviant heathen ways." Tsukiyama released Kaneki and dramatically pressed the back of his hand to his head as he swooned. “Leave me! Go now before I change my mind!”

“I... okay,” Kaneki quickly fitted his shoes back on and clambered out onto the fire escape. He put his hand on the window before Tsukiyama could slide it shut. “Thank you, Shuu. For... everything, I guess.” He smiled and then turned away and vaulted over the railing of the fire escape, out of sight.

Tsukiyama clicked his tongue. “Still a show-off, huh?” he chuckled. “Although, I suppose I can't be one to condemn you for excessive theatrics.” He closed the window and flipped the latch. Even so, he gazed out into the night for a long time after.

...

When Kaneki made it home and laid down on his bed, he belatedly wondered about when he should return the clothes he borrowed. It was convenient for Tsukiyama to have had something that fit him, considering the other man was both taller and more broad-shouldered. Kaneki worried the ends of his sleeves while he thought about when they might meet again. Should he invite Tsukiyama to the cafe sometime? Would it be awkward if he brought Nishio and Kimi at the same time?

Kaneki brought his hands up and looked at the sleeves, startled to discover that there were already holes worn into them. He slipped his thumbs into them and they were a perfect fit.

_Oh._

With a sigh, Kaneki folded his arms over his eyes. At least he didn't have to worry about returning anything.

…

Later that week, Kaneki came home one evening to find their living room table out in the hallway. It was propped up next to their door with a note taped to it that read 'sorry Touka I'll move it later!! <333 Hide'. Appropriately befuddled, Kaneki opened the door to find out what had displaced his beloved coffee table. The culprit was a kotatsu.

"You got a kotatsu."

"I got a goddamned kotatsu," Hide grinned widely, his cheerful mood matching his yellow cable knit sweater. He yoinked on Kaneki's scarf as he passed him out into the hall. "Go ahead and get comfy! I'm gonna run downstairs for some contraband."

Kaneki smiled as he watched Hide bound down the stairs. Before going inside, he laid a hand on the hall table. "I'll come back for you," he promised.

Kaneki changed out of his street clothes and into one of his too-large sweaters and flannel pajama bottoms. He was just making himself comfortable under the warm kotatsu when Hide returned bearing a tray of pastries, two mugs of coffee, and a reddened cheek.

"She pinched me!" He exclaimed, setting the tray in front of Kaneki. "Can you believe that! And do you know what she said? Hey, scooch over."

"What?"

"Move so I can sit down too, ya heater hog," Hide said, squishing up next to where Kaneki was seated and wriggling until he was comfortable. Kaneki pointedly eyed the three other vacant sides of the kotatsu but Hide ignored him and continued his story. "Touka said 'this is for always _pinching_ my food.' Can you believe that! The first time I hear her use a pun and it's for evil.

"Anyway," Hide leaned back to fumble for the TV remote up on the couch but it was just out of reach. "Shoot. Can you get that?"

"Hide, it's closer to you."

"Is it?" Hide quirked an eyebrow.

They stared each other down. Eventually, Kaneki sighed and shifted to lift the back of his sweater a little. A long kagune tentacle crept shyly out from underneath and reached up past Hide to curl around the remote and then held it out to him.

"Aww, thanks buddy," Hide cooed and pet the kagune as he took the proffered item.

Kaneki couldn't repress a shiver at his touch. He quickly retracted his kagune and tugged his sweater back down. "You're welcome. Now I'm cold."

Hide laughed and rubbed his lower back through the sweater, where the kohaku rested under his skin. Kaneki tried not to react as warmth spread through him, radiating outward from where Hide's hand pressed against him.

"Okay then," Hide turned on the TV. "I fell asleep while watching this movie last night so I'm watching it again, cool?"

"Yeah," Kaneki picked one of the coffees from the tray. It was still a little too hot but he drank it anyway. He actually rather liked how it burned all the way down his throat.

Hide jostled him and groaned, "I wish you wouldn't do that. I know that you've got, like, your crazy healing superpowers but can you even taste it when it's that hot?"

"Shhh," Kaneki said, "I love this soundtrack."

"Just because you can do something doesn't mean that you should," Hide muttered as he bit into a cherry danish.

Kaneki kept his eyes on the movie and watched Sophie meet the wizard Howl for the first time.

Around the time Sophie made it to the castle, Hide poked a pastry in his direction. "Um, I brought you a croissant."

Kaneki stared at him quizzically. "You brought me a croissant," he echoed.

"Yeah. I know you can't eat it," he quickly amended, a blush blooming under his freckles, "But I thought you might wanna do that thing you do."

"Oh." Hide meant how when Kaneki was still human, he would sometimes buy a croissant with his coffee. And sometimes he would eat it but other times he'd forget about it and become immersed in whatever book he had. His hands would keep moving though and he would simply shred the whole thing while reading. Peeling away the flaky layers, his fingers working automatically until he had completely disassembled it.

Kaneki noticed that he had been picking at his cuticles again without realizing it while they were watching the movie. He tried to discretely brush the flakes of dead skin off of his sweater. "Um, okay. Thanks."

It was a little awkward at first. He didn't really touch human food unless he was helping Touka in the cafe. And of course it didn't really smell like food anymore either. But by the time Sophie was going into the city to meet with the King's adviser ("I can't believe they left out the seven league boots," Kaneki had moaned years ago, the first time he saw Howl's Moving Castle with Hide. "And the other sister!" Hide shushed him by pushing his palm against the side of Kaneki's face. "Just watch the movie, book nerd.") he discovered that he had already shredded more than half of the pastry.

Hide must have seen how surprised he was because Kaneki felt him shake with laughter. But when he glanced at his face, Hide's eyes were back on the TV screen.

As the movie continued, Hide looked progressively more and more drowsy. He leaned forward onto the top of the kotatsu, propping himself up on his arms.

“ _Find me in the future!”_

Sophie came back through the portal and Hide failed to finish the film for the second night in a row. He was slumped over onto the tabletop with his eyes closed. The steady rise and fall of his chest indicating that he was fast asleep. Kaneki manifested a kagune again, this time with a clawed end so he could reach the blanket folded on the back of the couch. He used his hands to drape it over Hide, reaching around him to tuck it in at his shoulders. As he pulled away, his hand brushed over the nape of Hide's neck. He paused.

“ _Howl. I'm sorry I took so long.”_

Slowly, haltingly, Kaneki reached out to Hide again. With a trembling hand, he touched his forehead and brushed back his bangs. It was nice to see that some things hadn't changed. Hide's mouth was open and he was drooling a bit.

“ _You've been waiting all this time.”_

Feeling a little more bold, Kaneki softly touched Hide's face. Heart hammering, he traced one of the thick eyebrows, ran his thumb over a cheek bone, followed the slope of his jaw. Tried to memorize the softness of his earlobe, the small patch of stubble he had missed shaving under his chin. He stirred and Kaneki jerked his hand away.

Brown eyes blinked blearily up at him and Hide smiled lazily. "Hey, you."

"Hey." When trying to keep one's voice level, shorter answers are recommended.

Hide tried to move his head towards the TV without lifting it. He gave up and asked, "S'the movie over?"

Kaneki's eyes flicked to the screen and then back to Hide. "In about two minutes."

“Oh.” Hide grasped the blanket more tightly around himself, fingers running over the stitching on the edges. “Thanks.”

“Mmm.” Kaneki kept his gaze trained on the television now.

Hide continued to watch him, brows furrowing slightly. “Something wrong?”

“Wrong?”

“You're like... stiff, I guess.”

_Don't lie don't lie don't_

“Just tired, I suppose? I'm fine.” Kaneki scratched his chin.

Hide grunted and pushed himself into an upright position, looking more awake and more annoyed.

“Hide?”

“Kaneki,” Hide licked his lips. “I know something's been bothering you.”

Kaneki fish-mouthed at him and then looked away. “I, I'm not--”

“Can't you just talk to me? Please?" Everything about Hide's expression said that he was hurting. His posture was still slumped, eyes pleading, hands balled into fists.

_I did this._

Kaneki's eyes remained firmly downcast. Hide's hand jerked in an aborted attempt to reach out to him and instead remained at his side. "Don't you... don't you trust me?"

_I do trust you but I can't-_

_It's not that I don't trust you but-_

_Nothing's wrong everything's fine_

_It doesn't matter, it isn't real._

Kaneki thought of a dozen things he could have said, but none of them felt sufficient when caught in the headlights of Hide's unfiltered honesty. The silence that followed was heavy.

"Right," Hide laughed, a hollow sound. Then, frowning and thin-lipped, he stood up and let the blanket fall away. He headed for the door.

_No. No, not like this._

"Wait, Hide-"

"It's fine," Hide said dismissively as he reached for his coat, hanging from a hook next to the door. "I just need some air. I'll be back later."

Kaneki had only a brief moment to consider that if he had still been fully human, maybe if he were eighteen again, he would just let this happen. He would know that his friendship with Hide had finally, inevitably run its course and that this was as far as they could go. That in the end, everyone leaves. No matter how much his heart ached, if someone decided that he wasn't worth the trouble anymore he should just accept it. It wasn't fair for him to keep burdening others.

Instead, he quickly got up and chased after him, almost stumbling in his haste. He wrapped his arms around Hide's chest from behind, pressing his forehead to the back of the other's neck. Kaneki exhaled a shuddering breath. "Please don't leave."

Hide was unmoving and tense in his arms.

"Hide, I... I can't lose you." He couldn't control the tremors that began to shake his arms, caused his voice to waver. "But if I tell you what I- what I can't, then you might not-- I mean," Kaneki squeezed his eyes shut as he felt them begin to burn.

_Fuck! don't cry, don't cry_

"You mean so, so much to me and I-" he swallowed thickly. His throat was too tight, every word was an effort but he had to keep going. "I love you, Hide. I love you but I might... it might be _wrong_." His body shook with a silent sob, his voice cracking. "And I don't, I really can't-- Without you, it's all just..."

_So much for not crying._

"Please don't leave me."

Hide abruptly shifted out of Kaneki's grasp, but before the empty feeling could settle in his chest he found himself gathered in Hide's embrace. Gentle fingers carded through his hair, pressing his face into the crook of Hide's neck where he continued to cry, unable to stop. He tangled his own hands into the knit of Hide's sweater, tugging and pleading him to _please stay please don't go_.

“It's okay, I'm sorry,” Hide's voice was low and soft next to his ear. Hands rubbed up and down his back in an attempt to soothe. “I shouldn't have said that. I'm not leaving. Kaneki. Kaneki, look at me, please.”

Kaneki shook his head without raising it. This was it, wasn't it? The Polite Rejection. If this was going to be the last time he got to hold Hide like this, then he had to make the most of it. He would just have to try to remember it all; the space that Hide occupied in his arms, his scent, his warmth. How he had always, always touched Kaneki like he was worth more than he actually was.

“...Ken, please.”

That got his attention. Kaneki lifted his head, eyes wide. Hide's hands slid up from his back to his shoulders and settled on the sides of his face to keep him from looking away. He laughed nervously, but his eyes were determined and... something else?

“I'm so sorry. This isn't really how I pictured... any of this.”

 _Pictured?_ Kaneki knew that his face must be red, with puffy eyes and tears and snot everywhere. He noticed that Hide's hands were trembling slightly as thumbs brushed over his cheekbones.

“I'm stupid and I'm not as patient as I used to be and I shouldn't have said--”

“You're not stupid,” Kaneki's voice was rough from crying and he hiccuped. “You're brilliant.”

Hide's surprise over Kaneki's interjection changed into affection. His smile was soft and he slowly leaned in to press his lips gently to the crease between Kaneki's eyebrows.

Kaneki was stunned back into silence, heart hammering. Too terrified that any movement or speech on his part would break the spell, end the dream.

“Well, _you're_ wonderful,” Hide kissed his forehead. “Clever and kind,” he kissed his nose. “And your heart is so unbelievably strong,” he kissed his wet cheek. “A-and I want to spend every day trying to make you at least half as happy as you make me.” Hide swallowed, eyes bright.

Kaneki stared back at him.

“I'm- I'm going to kiss you now, if that's alright.”

Kaneki felt himself nod very slowly. He closed his eyes.

Hide's lips were soft and he tasted a little like coffee. He smelled like home.

...

 


	6. Dynamic Characters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And the winner is...!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, everyone!! I loved all the comments that I received last chapter, I'm so glad you liked it! :] And as much as I like the carefully crafted and thought out comments, I'm also really happy to receive keyboard smashes. It's exciting to know that I can write something that will rob you of your coherent thought!

“Hide, we need to talk about this.”

“I thought we already did. I like you, you like me, kissing is great.”

“I mean _really_ talk. About where this is going.” The feeling of Hide's lips on him was incredibly distracting.

“Ooh, you move fast, huh?” he smiled against Kaneki's neck.

“I don't want to hear that from you.” Kaneki slapped his hand away from where it had begun to sneak under the hem of his shirt.

“But the _muscles_ ,” Hide groaned.

“Hide, please be serious.”

“I am!” Hide pushed himself up onto his elbows so that he could hover over Kaneki on the bed. “And I seriously don't wanna hear about what kind of love you think you do or don't deserve.” He dipped forward so that they were almost nose-to-nose. “I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to.”

“That's not—” Kaneki bit his tongue, because that was exactly it. “You can't really want to do this for- for however long, right? The vigilantism, the constant danger.”

“The cute boy, the good coffee.”

“You could still go back.”

Hide blinked at him, uncomprehending. “Back?”

“To a normal life. You don't have to keep doing... this.” It really was hard to hold eye-contact with Hide for this long, this close. Kaneki was still startled sometimes by how intense he could be. “And ghouls, we're not the sort of people who worry about old age, you know?”

“Kaneki...”

“Wouldn't you be _happier_ ,” he almost choked on the word, “with someone who could give you something more long-term?”

Hide lowered himself the rest of the way onto Kaneki. He kissed him long and fervently, hands weaving through his hair. The little noises Kaneki made was probably his favorite thing about kissing. That and how Kaneki's breath would hitch, how dark his eyes became, how he tasted; so everything really. And despite his pessimistic words, Kaneki was clinging onto Hide as they kissed.

“Stupid,” Hide said when he pulled back, eyes glazed but resolute. “How long have we been together?”

“Um,” Kaneki tried to recover from having Hide's tongue in his mouth. “Two days?”

“More than ten years. More than a decade! Honestly,” Hide smiled like the sunrise, “What makes you think you can get rid of me now? Actually, it'll be even harder than before since I get to do things like _this_ now.”

Kaneki gasped as Hide moved to suck on a place just below his jaw. He felt a hand resume its mission to creep up his shirt. “H-Hide!”

"Mmm, I like it when you say my name like that," he purred. His tongue traced the shell of Kaneki's ear.

"You can't just- ah!" Hide's hand smoothed over the plain of his stomach, pushing his shirt up. He shivered as the chilly air touched his skin.

"Do you not like it?" Hide's breath was hot on his ear. His thumb flicked over a nipple.

Kaneki tried to give him a stern look and caught the wrist of his wandering hand to still it. "I need to know. Hide, is this really what you want?"

With a sigh, Hide pulled back far enough from Kaneki's neck to look at him again. He thought that his white hair really did make any color in his face stand out more. The red that flushed his face and the tips of his ears was quite pretty. He also noted the cautious hope that shined in his eyes, the fear of wanting something that was finally (literally) within arm's reach. Seriously pretty.

Hide licked his lips. "Kaneki, how long have you liked me? Felt this way about me?"

He watched Kaneki's gaze waver, embarrassed. "I don't know. I only realized a few months ago but I think it might have started a while before that."

Hide kissed the corner of Kaneki's mouth. "I've liked you since we were fifteen."

"What?"

"You had just gotten a crush on Yoshikawa and I couldn't figure out why that made me feel so... jealous." He nipped lightly at Kaneki's jaw. "I even thought that if I were a ghoul, she would be the first person I ate."

Kaneki laughed breathlessly. "I remember you saying something like that."

"Pfft, really? Anyway, point is," Hide moved his wrist out of Kaneki's grasp so that he could lace their fingers together. "I've wanted you for a really long time. I didn't think that it would ever actually work out- you always seemed interested in quiet, cute girls- and I've tried dating other people but," he squeezed Kaneki's hand, "there's only ever been you. It's always been you."

Kaneki blinked back tears. "Hide, I'm not that person anymore."

"Really? You seem like the same socially awkward coffee-drinking book nerd to me," Hide smiled. He rubbed his thumb over Kaneki's. "And yeah, maybe you have a few more appendages and some new dietary restrictions now, but I'm not really the same either, am I? We don't have to grow apart, Kaneki. We can grow together."

"Hide," Kaneki sniffled.

Hide laughed lightly and kissed the corner of his eye. "You're still a crybaby too."

"I'm dangerous now, though," Kaneki glanced at Hide's left shoulder, thinking of the scarred skin hidden by a layer of fabric.

"Hey. Trust me," Hide bumped his nose against Kaneki's. “I'm right where I wanna be.”

...

“Okay, stop stop stop, _Hide!_ ” Kaneki giggled and pushed Hide's mouth away from his ear. “We have to meet Touka and the others soon.”

Hide groaned and rolled off of Kaneki. “Ugh no, terrible.”

Kaneki sat up and took off his thoroughly-wrinkled shirt.

Hide perked up and watched the muscles in his back flex with the motion. “Yes, good. Eleven out of ten.”

“You need to get ready too,” Kaneki said as he riffled through his closet and selected a black button-down.

“You got it, king.” Hide got up off the bed and went into his own room to make himself more presentable.

They met each other again a few minutes later in the bathroom. Hide was brushing his teeth when Kaneki came in and looked into the mirror as he smoothed down his hair. Hide watched him fondly and then accidentally dropped the toothbrush into the sink.

Kaneki narrowly dodged the splatter of toothpaste and frowned accusingly at Hide. “I'm not taking off my shirt again.”

Flustered, Hide retrieved the toothbrush and rinsed out his mouth. “No, no, the shirt's great! Shirt's fine! In fact, maybe you should even close this top button.”

Kaneki smacked Hide's still wet hands away when he reached for his shirt. “What? Wait--” He leaned over the sink to get closer to the mirror and opened his shirt collar. “Hide! What the hell!”

“I thought it would heal!” Hide wailed as Kaneki examined the dark red blotch on his throat.

“Bruises heal more slowly than cuts!”

“That doesn't make any sense!”

“I don't make the rules for ghoul anatomy!”

“Really? Because your ghoul anatomy rules!”

Kaneki was stunned into silence. Then he snorted, blushing again. “You dumbass.”

“I'm _your_ dumbass,” Hide kissed his forehead. “Sorry, I'll remember next time. Now, let's find you a tie.”

...

“Matching? Seriously?” Touka smirked when she met them out in the hallway next to the stairs. Kaneki was wearing a black shirt with a red tie, Hide a red shirt with a black tie.

“All the cool kids are doing it,” Hide grinned, buttoning up his coat.

“Just be glad I made him leave that scarf behind,” Kaneki shrugged.

Touka rolled her eyes. “A small blessing.”

“Hey, that scarf is both stylish and super-super soft.”

“That scarf is bright fucking orange and it's a miracle that you haven't been killed while wearing it! And not because the color stands out, it's just that ugly.”

“Touka! My heart!”

“Hmph,” Touka stood on her toes so that she could ruffle Hide's hair.

“Ow ow, you always do it too hard!”

“Wuss. Now hurry up. I don't wanna be late because you two were fooling around.” She started down the stairs.

When she wasn't looking at them, Hide raised an eyebrow at Kaneki (whose ears had turned red). _Did you tell her?_

Kaneki shook his head but then waved his hand in a noncommittal sort of way. _No, but she might know anyway._

Hide nodded and tipped forward to kiss him on the cheek.

“Fucking hurry up!” Touka yelled.

Grinning like a fool, Hide bounded down the stairs, pulling Kaneki behind him.

...

“So the CCG quinque have been reclaimed?”

“Yes, sir,” Hide said cheekily. Kaneki chose to ignore him. “We got lucky, they were moving the bulk of them in one shipment. There are still a few that are unaccounted for, but I'm sure they'll turn up. It's not enough to worry about since we have effectively closed the operation.”

“Good. And what are we doing with them?”

“Ah, well, sir--”

“Banjou, please don't do that too.”

Banjou smiled shyly. “Okay, Kaneki. About that, since most of the quinque are named for the ghoul they were taken from, I was thinking that we might use that to return them to their family members. Um...”

Kaneki nodded for him to continue. He was seated on top of Itori's bar, the others scattered around him at the various booths and tables.

“They might be able to reach some closure with it, right? To be able to have something to bury.”

“I don't like the idea of handing out weapons,” Ayato frowned. “We don't know who we're giving them back to. They could just be like the idiots we took them from and used in these riots we've been trying to shut down.”

“I think Banjou has a point,” Hinami said. “They are certainly dangerous in the wrong hands, but it's not really up to us to decide what happens to them. They're part of a person.”

Ayato said nothing, but under the table he discretely reached out to Hinami and put his hand on her knee.

"It's a good idea," Kaneki agreed. "But let's get more information first. Banjou, I'm putting you in charge of this. See what the community thinks about getting their family member's quinque back. Don't let on that we have anything yet, let's just start a rumor and see what kind of feedback we get."

"Right, boss!"

"Uta, you just got back from the eleventh ward?"

"A few hours ago, yep."

"Any updates?"

"Eh," Uta shrugged and stirred his blood wine with a toothpick that was stacked with eyeballs. "About the same. Progress is slow, but we still have the advantage against the rioters. You may actually want to consider sending the quinque to our people down there."

"I see. Have Amon and Akira made a request for more firepower?"

"No, they're satisfied with the resources they have. However," he paused to pop an eyeball into his mouth and swallow it whole, "You could save a lot of people a lot of grief and time if you armed them."

"I don't like it," Touka grimaced. "If we do that then what makes us any different from the CCG? Arming ghouls with quinque to fight ghouls. That's sick."

"Yes, it is quite distasteful," Tsukiyama said. "But we should also consider the lives we would be able to save if the riots were ended sooner rather than later. They've already gone on for too long as it is."

There was a lull in the debate and everyone turned to Kaneki. He ran his hand through his hair, pushing back his bangs. "Akira and Amon are in charge of the effort there. Let's have them weigh in on this. In the meanwhile, Banjou, I still want you to pursue your project." That seemed to be enough to satisfy everyone so Kaneki closed the matter. "Was there anything else that needs our attention for today?"

No one else said anything, but Ayato raised his hand like he was in class and waited to be called on. The others looked at him strangely. Touka leaned over from where she was sitting to swat at him but he dodged her.

"Um, yes, Ayato?"

"Why are you fuckers matching?" Ayato smirked. Touka reached him this time and punched him in the arm. "Ow! You always do it too hard!"

Kaneki looked sideways at Hide. _This is your fault._

Hide smiled nervously and scratched his cheek. _At least no one has noticed the other thing?_

"Uh, coincidence?"

"You fucking live together. Neither of you could change?"

"You and Hinami are both wearing black. You obviously didn't make her change," Hide grinned.

"It's black! Black doesn't count!"

"If I really thought it was a problem, I would make Ayato change."

"Hinami, please don't tell them that."

"Well, I think it's sweet," she smiled. "Like matching bookends."

"Okay, meeting adjourned!" Kaneki's face was starting to match his tie.

There was a camera flash.

"Seriously, Uta?"

"Well, Touka hasn't updated yet so I'm going to," he was tapping rapidly on his phone screen.

Kaneki's eyes widened. "Update?"

Hide was already on it. He quickly crossed the room to Uta's table and smacked it up out of his hands. He caught the phone in mid-arc and then went into a tuck-and-roll to hide under an empty booth and dodge Ayato's grabbing hands. A few screen taps later and then, "What the hell is this blog? The Love-Love Challenge?!"

"You turned it into a blog?!" Kaneki stared at Touka in abject horror.

"Well... I didn't not turn it into a blog."

"Betrayal," Kaneki moaned with his face in his hands. He rolled off the bar to hide behind it. "Mutiny. Regicide."

"I don't think you're old enough to be back here," Itori teased him.

"Please calm your regal tits," Touka rolled her eyes. "I simply felt it was my duty to keep our betting pool updated on recent developments."

"Wait a sec. Kanek- ow!" Hide tried to stand up too fast and knocked his head on the underside of the table. He emerged more carefully this time and then vaulted over the bar. He crouched down next to Kaneki. "You knew about this?" He wiggled the phone at him.

"I knew they made a bet, I didn't know they were getting real-time updates!"

Itori laughed and stepped around them, carrying a bottle of blood wine and an empty glass to sit with Uta.

"Can I have my phone back? I'll send you two invites so you can peruse it at your leisure."

"As the blog moderator, I veto this decision."

Hide lowered his voice and touched Kaneki's arm. "What bet?"

Kaneki peeked at Hide from in between his fingers. "They... they were trying to predict when we would start dating."

"Oh." Hide blushed and bit his lip to try to keep from smiling too widely. "Hehe... wait, so who won?"

"You two are dating?!" Touka nearly shrieked and there was an uproar.

"Touka, you're supposed to be on top of this! I demand a refund!"

"Aww, congratulations you two!"

"Fucking finally."

"Hide," Kaneki nearly sobbed. "My reign is over. My kingdom is in shambles. My people run wild in the streets."

"Fear not, my liege, for I shall never abandon you." Hide took Kaneki hands away from his face, cupping them in his own, and kissed his knuckles.

Touka suddenly loomed over them, leaning over the bar. "WHEN."

"Two days," Kaneki said at the same time Hide said, "Forty-two hours."

Kaneki gaped at him.

"Yeah okay, so, like two days ha ha ha," Hide coughed awkwardly.

Touka opened the calendar on her phone. "That puts you right in between two dates. That means we get to use the tiebreaker!"

The group on the other side of the bar whooped and hollered. Kaneki prayed for the sweet release of death.

"So, how did it happen?"

"My untimely death? You've killed me, of course," Kaneki moaned from where he was now laying on the floor.

"No, stupid. What broke you? Why did you two decide to become bf bff's?"

Hide shrugged. "Well, we were watching a movie..."

"Was it porn?"

"Odin's beard, no! It was Howl's Moving Castle."

"Mmm, that's not an option."

"Porn was an option?!"

"No, I just wanted to watch you squirm. So, which would you say it was closer to? Option A: 'Hide gets Kaneki a book with sentimental value' or Option B: 'Hide plays the trust card'?"

Hide stared open-mouthed at her.

Very meekly from the floor, Kaneki answered, "Option B."

Tsukiyama swore in Italian and slapped his hand on the table. "I was so close!"

"Second place is still losing!"

"Shut up, Ayato."

"Who!" Hide demanded.

Touka thought that it felt very good to turn Hide's shit-eating grin back on him. "Akira."

"Her intuition," Hide groaned and joined Kaneki in laying on the floor. They linked hands.

Kaneki sighed the weary sigh of a king whose crown has grown far too heavy. "I'm sorry it had to end this way. I never wanted this for you."

"Don't apologize," Hide rubbed his thumb over Kaneki's. "I'm glad we're together."

Touka grinned and snapped a picture.

 

...


	7. A Lesson in Grammar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things are heating up in the kitchen ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Kaneki stood at the kitchen counter in the back of the cafe. He was measuring out coffee grounds into what Touka had called “seasonal collectors tins, maybe? I dunno, Hide thinks it will sell.” And so they were selling three of :re's specialty blends in decorative tins. He was tying a red ribbon onto one of the filled tins when he heard Hide come in through the back door, whistling.

"Hey," Kaneki smiled without taking his eyes off his work.

"Hey, you."

Kaneki's heart sped up as Hide slipped his arms around his waist and rested his chin on his shoulder. He weighed a tin of coffee on the small kitchen scale and wondered if he would ever get used to how much Hide seemed to enjoy touching him. He remembered Hide's hands on him the previous evening, caressing every inch of skin he could reach. "How'd it go?"

"Mm, fine." Hide rubbed his face on Kaneki's shoulder and tucked his nose behind his ear. "Just regular stuff, I guess. Didn't even have to sass Ayato into not murdering someone."

"Really? Maybe he's getting sick."

The breath of Hide's soft laughter tickled his neck. "Maybe. Hinami says 'hi', by the way. And also 'answer your texts'. I tried to tell her that you don't answer mine either and she was all 'that's different, you live with him.' So you'd better start texting her back before she sends Ayato to beat you up. He says 'hi' too, by the way."

“No, he didn't.”

“Okay no, he actually said uh... well, you don't need to hear what he said. But it was basically Ayato-speak for 'hi, I hope you are well, please have a nice day'.”

Kaneki chuckled at Hide's gruff imitation of Ayato's voice. He closed off the tin and tied a light blue ribbon around it. Hide hummed and swayed them slightly back and forth.

"Hey," Hide kissed his neck. "Wanna make out?"

"Hide," he admonished.

" _Kaneki_ ," Hide murmured his name like a small plea.

Kaneki felt his ears go hot. He started measuring out another tin. Hide's hand traveled up from his waist, rubbing over his chest to feel the definition of his muscles through the fabric of his clothes. He toyed with Kaneki's collar, popping the top button open with surprising ease and pulling it to the side. He kissed the newly exposed flesh.

Kaneki shuddered when he felt Hide's teeth on his throat and the slickness of his tongue. He spilled some of the coffee grounds onto the counter. "Not here."

"Why not?" Hide's voice was warm and low in his ear. "You always look so _good_ in a uniform. I basically flat-lined when you started working at Anteiku, y'know." The hand still on his waist played with the hem of the apron. Kaneki tried to focus on measuring out ounces and not on the way Hide was pressing himself up against him.

"Touka won't- hhng..." His thought was left unfinished when Hide started sucking on a pulse point on his throat. Kaneki grabbed at his hair, half-intending to pull him off but changing his mind when Hide moaned against his neck. He tugged the dark locks again experimentally, and was rewarded with a particularly hard nip from Hide's teeth that sent shivers up his spine. One hand undid another shirt button and ventured inside to rub over his collarbones, graze the hollow of his throat, dip lower to tease a nipple through the fabric of his undershirt. The other pressed flat on his stomach to hold them flush against each other as Hide slowly rolled their hips together, his arousal evident. Kaneki gasped and gripped the counter, sending a spoon clattering onto the floor.

"I didn't realize that 'making out' involved so much gyrating," Kaneki moaned as Hide pushed his apron aside and squeezed his thigh, hand venturing higher.

"Mmm," Hide bit his ear. "I love it when you use three-syllable words."

Kaneki's laugh was breathy. "You're incorrigible."

" _Five_?" Hide gasped, a little too dramatically, and spun Kaneki around to face him. With a firm grip on his waist, he hoisted his boyfriend up onto the counter and situated himself between his legs. The scale fell into the sink.

"Hide!" Kaneki tried to avoid knocking his head on a cabinet. Hide pulled him by his belt loops to the edge of the counter so that their hips were flush together.

"Tell me when it's appropriate to use the past participle of a verb," Hide said before kissing him on the mouth. He gripped Kaneki's ass and rolled his hips.

Kaneki broke the kiss momentarily to say, "Fuck you." He clutched at the collar of Hide's jacket to bring him back in and explore his mouth with his tongue.

Suddenly, Touka's voice was very close by. "No, I'm sure we have more. Wait just a second and I'll check." She came in through the café door with her notepad in hand. "Hey, are you done with the Colombian blend yet?"

"Um yeah, they're the ones with red ribbons." Kaneki answered her without looking up from where he was crouched on the floor, cleaning up spilled coffee grounds with a brush and dustpan.

"Thanks." Touka collected a few of the tins to bring to the front of the shop. She paused on her way back out.

"And tell your boyfriend that the next time he hides in the fridge, I'm locking him in."

Kaneki nodded, still without raising his head but his ears and back of his neck burned red. "Got it."

After she left, Hide cracked the refrigerator door open and poked his head out. "She's got like a sixth sense for tomfoolery, huh?" He exited his chilly hiding spot and sauntered over to Kaneki. "You okay?" he grinned.

Kaneki sighed and stood up, dustpan in hand. He glared accusingly at Hide.

Hide shrugged and bumped their shoulders together. "You seemed like you were pretty into it," he said, still smiling.

"You're so embarrassing."

"Love you, too."

...

Kaneki returned to their apartment a few hours later but he stood outside the door, listening. He didn't often get to hear Hide practice and maybe this counted as cheating since Hide didn't even know he was listening to him play but... The sounds of the guitar were soft and slow. Kaneki didn't recognize the song, which wasn't surprising since he didn't listen to a lot of music, but he could tell that Hide was playing it well. He listened for almost two minutes until Hide struck a wrong cord. He swore and then there was the rustling paper sound of sheet music. Kaneki waited for another minute, then turned the doorknob and went inside.

Hide turned to look over the back of the couch when he came in. “Hey, you,” he smiled.

“Hey.” Kaneki toed his shoes off.

“Sooo, how was work?” Hide set his guitar aside and started shuffling his pile of sheet music on the kotatsu into a slightly more organized pile.

“You mean aside from Touka making grinder jokes for the rest of my shift?”

“Hah! Sorry.” Hide didn't look the slightest bit remorseful.

“Right. Well, work was fine. How was your day?” Kaneki ducked his head as he smiled, feeling stupidly giddy about their little domestic rituals.

“It was good. Ooh! Did I tell you- I showed one of the kids how to make a cell phone jammer out of a TV remote. He thinks I'm hella cool now.”

“They're not 'kids' when they're only a few years younger than us,” Kaneki chided, coming around the sofa. He smiled at the instrument propped up against the kotatsu. "I still can't believe that you picked the guitar to learn."

"Oh? What would you have picked for me?" Hide slipped his fingers into Kaneki's belt loops and tugged him forward.

"Hmm," Kaneki followed the momentum onto the couch so that he was straddling Hide's lap, resting his hands on his shoulders. Hide gently squeezed his waist. "With your personality? Trombone."

Hide let out a burst of laughter.

"See? Like that."

"Aww, but the ladies love a guy who can play the guitar." Hide slowly untucked Kaneki's shirt, letting his fingers lightly graze the strip of skin just above the slacks.

"Ladies? Is that who you're trying to attract?" Kaneki tugged at the hair just above the nape of Hide's neck. His other hand slipping inside his shirt to trace his collar bone.

Hide's eyes were half lidded as he watched Kaneki's lips. "I don't know how to answer that without digging myself into a hole, so I'm just gonna kiss you now."

"Okay," Kaneki smiled and leaned down to press their lips together.

Hide made a noise of contentment and pulled him closer. He slipped his hands up under Kaneki's shirt and reveled in the sensation of being able to touch so much of his skin. Kaneki had never been big on physical contact so it felt like quite the privilege to be able to put his hands on him like this. Hide followed the curve of his spine, tracing every vertebrae. He mapped out the way his diaphragm would expand and contract with his breaths, counting ribs under his fingers. He learned the jut of his hip bones and the taut muscles in his stomach. Hide laughed in a soft puff of breath through his nose but it was enough to garner Kaneki's attention.

"What?" he said, looking slightly annoyed even through the daze of a flushed face and dilated eyes.

"I was just thinking," Hide thumbed his hip bones, "I remember when you used to not take your shirt off at the pool."

"Oh. Geeze, now?" Kaneki hid his face in the crook of Hide's neck.

Hide grinned and hugged Kaneki, holding him close as he turned them both on the couch, pulling the other on top of him. He misjudged the distance though and yelped when the top of his head hit the arm of the couch a little too hard.

"Dork," Kaneki sighed, exasperated but fond. He reached over the edge and groped for one of the pillows they had knocked onto the floor. Then, guided Hide to lift his head so that he could fit it underneath him.

"Thanks, babe," Hide winked at him. He tried to initiate another kiss but Kaneki hesitated. "Something wrong?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Kaneki fingered the collar of his shirt, not quite meeting his eye.

Hide tilted his head curiously, then realized, "You mean how I felt about you?”

Kaneki shyly nodded an affirmation.

“I thought you only liked girls. Soft, quiet, petite girls," Hide shrugged. "I don't really fit into any of those categories. Does it matter?"

"Kind of!" Kaneki startled not only Hide but also himself with his sudden rise in volume. He continued in a lower voice, "I just... I felt like it was killing me over these past months, not being able to tell you. I'm really awful for not having noticed that you had been suffering for much longer."

"Yikes," Hide smiled wryly. "I try not to equate love with suffering."

"So I never hurt you?" his tone turned bitter.

"Kaneki..."

"Hide, I'm so sorry I-"

"Stop it," Hide put his hand firmly over his mouth. "I... Okay, the truth is that I had a feeling you might like guys too. But I still didn't want to say anything." He sighed and moved his hand to cup Kaneki's face, running his thumb along his bottom lip. "You didn't really have anyone you could rely on or trust. And I, I wanted to be that person for you."

"You were," Kaneki gently folded his own hand over Hide's. "You are."

"I know,” he smiled, brown eyes bright with happiness. “And that's why I couldn't say anything. You trusted me and I didn't want you to feel like... like my love for you was contingent on a romantic relationship. I just wanted you to be happy."

Kaneki flushed at the L-word and kissed him softly. " _You_ make me happy."

"Ohh, you," Hide wriggled in a self-satisfied way with a silly grin on his face. "You're so freakin cute."

"Stop that." And in an attempt to keep him from saying anything else embarrassing, he lowered his head to Hide's neck and left a trail of open-mouthed kisses. Hide's laugh tapered off into a moan when Kaneki sucked at a spot below his ear.

He resumed trying to touch as much of Kaneki's skin as possible, enjoying how his shoulder blades and the muscles in his back would shift under his palms. He was pondering the most tactful way to ask him to take off his shirt, but Kaneki seemed to get the message.

He pushed himself up so that he was sitting on Hide's lap and, ignoring the buttons, he raised his arms and rolled the shirt off. Hide swallowed hard as Kaneki's weight shifted on him with the movement.

"Don't just stare. You too," Kaneki pouted and folded his arms across his chest.

Hide immediately complied, curling forward so that he could shimmy out of his shirt and tossed it away. Kaneki was back on him in an instant, moving Hide's knees apart so that he could lie between his legs as they kissed. Hide delighted in the skin-on-skin contact and ran his hands up and down Kaneki's sides. He had just started to venture under the waistband of his pants when Kaneki made a careful, controlled roll of his hips. Hide moaned and raised his legs to squeeze Kaneki's sides, wanting more friction and bucking his own hips.

Kaneki gasped and tangled his hands in Hide's hair, perhaps pulling a bit harder than he should but Hide didn't seem to mind. He rolled against him again, this time with more urgency. Hide made a noise that was almost a growl, a low rumble in his throat, and he wrapped his arms around Kaneki's shoulders to pull him into a bruising kiss. He licked into Kaneki's mouth and locked his ankles behind him, arching his back to pull himself up and rut against him.

"Hide," Kaneki moaned inbetween kisses, lips still close enough to brush when he spoke. "Can I..."

"Yes, definitely. One hundred percent, whatever you want."

Kaneki pushed against Hide's chest to raise himself and got up off of him. Hide whined at the loss of contact but then saw that he wasn't moving away, he was just moving down. Kaneki kissed Hide's stomach and sucked on the sensitive skin next to his hip while his hands unfastened Hide's pants.

"Holy fuck," Hide covered his face with his hands.

Kaneki frowned. "I haven't even done anything yet."

"Yet! Oh my god," Hide's blush had spread from his face to his neck and shoulders. Kaneki sighed, a warm exhale that he could feel through thin fabric of his boxers. His cock twitched and Hide groaned.

"Are you going to be alright?"

"Yeah, just-" Hide rubbed his hands down his face, eyes dark when they met Kaneki's. "I'm just on the precipice of getting to live out an impossible fantasy, okay? It's a bit much."

"Precipice? Have you been reading my word-of-the-day calendar?"

"Ugh, even your nerdy backtalk is hot," Hide chuckled and lifted his hips as Kaneki pulled down his pants and underwear. "Talk grammar-ly to me, babe."

"Well, if you play your cards right," Kaneki wrapped a hand around Hide's length and kissed the head, "I just might show you some comma-sutra."

"You did not just say thaaaaa- holyfuckingfuck!"

Kaneki ran his tongue from the base to the tip and then took Hide into his mouth. He adopted a leisurely pace, slowly bobbing his head up and down and sucking on the tip whenever he raised his head, hand massaging the base. Hide tried to keep from bucking into his mouth and placed a shaking hand on Kaneki's head. He combed his fingers through his hair and pushed back his bangs so that he could see more of Kaneki's face.

Kaneki locked eyes with him and then pulled back to lick along Hide's entire length again with the flat of his tongue, swirling around the head and dipping into the slit. Hide gasped and fought against a spasm that prompted him to thrust into that hot, wet mouth when Kaneki went down on him again. He bit his lip and tightened his grip on the soft, white hair. Kaneki moaned around his cock and the thrill of the vibrations caused him to keen. "Holyfuck you feel so-so good, Kaneki, you're perfect you're wonderful, I'm so close," he groaned.

Hide let go of his hair so that Kaneki could move off of him and instead grabbed the couch cushions to ground himself. Kaneki, however, only increased his pace and pressed a saliva-slick thumb to Hide's entrance. Not pushing in, but teasing the ring of muscle and at the same time he swallowed Hide's cock until it hit the back of his throat.

Hide came with a strangled cry, hips spasming as Kaneki continued to suck on him through his orgasm. He collapsed on the couch, still reeling from his high when Kaneki was on him again, kissing him. He tasted himself, salty on Kaneki's tongue.

"Touch me," Kaneki pleaded, voice rough, and guided Hide's hand to his cock. He was red and dripping, so hot that Hide's fingers almost felt cool on him. Hide smeared the pre-come around with his thumb before moving his hand. He wrapped his other hand around the back of Kaneki's neck to bring him back into a kiss. Kaneki whimpered against his mouth, breath hot and panting, and came in a few rough strokes. He managed to hold himself up without collapsing onto Hide, but bent to lap at the come he had spattered onto Hide's chest.

"Oh _fuck_ ," Hide breathed as he watched him lick the mess off of his skin, breath hitching when Kaneki's tongue glided over a nipple. After he finished, Hide pulled him in for another kiss and then held him to his chest, both of them quiet until their breathing evened out.

"So," Hide breathed, "That's gonna be a tough act to follow."

Kaneki laughed breathlessly. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You didn't just blow my cock, you blew my friggin mind."

"Shut up."

"You didn't even gag."

"Well you, you're not... um," Kaneki bit his tongue.

"What, not your first? Yeah I kinda figured that. Oh, it's fine it doesn't matter," he said when Kaneki raised his head to look at him in alarm. "You're not my first either."

"Oh," Kaneki tucked his head back under Hide's chin. He felt strangely disappointed, although he knew it wasn't fair of him.

"Wellll, I guess you're a lot of other firsts." Hide continued, "First boy. First ghoul-king." He laughed when Kaneki slapped his arm. Hide nuzzled his hair, inhaling deeply. "First person I've really loved." He took gratification in the pink that returned to Kaneki's ears.

“Hide,” Kaneki said quietly, tracing some of the darker freckles on his arm with a finger. “I, um... with you, I...”

“Hmm? You wanna take a shower with me?”

“No- well, yes. I mean that I... I um...” he trailed off into silence.

_Idiot. Can't even say this one simple thing._

“I know,” Hide kissed the top of his head. “You don't have to push yourself to say it. Now c'mon, let's get up! I'm really starting to get cold and a hot shower sounds perfect.”

Kaneki smiled and felt a flood of warm affection fill his chest. He sat up and stretched, shivering at the loss of Hide's body heat. “Well, at least we're saving money on the water bill,” he said as he stood and made his way to the bathroom.

“Nah, I think it'll actually even out,” Hide said mischievously, following close behind.

...

 


	8. Situational Irony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like a coffeeshop au but with the occasional murder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you believe that this fic was originally meant to be around a 14k work count? And to make matters worse/better, I keep adding more. Thank you for your comments on the last chapter! I'm still nervous about writing smut but I feel like I'm getting the hang of it. :]

With the holiday season now officially upon them, Kaneki found himself working what he considered to be a disproportionate number of shifts in :re. However, there were an increased amount of customers and with them came the need for an increase in labor hours. Touka was still hesitant to hire anyone that she could not personally vouch for, but had temporarily recruited Hinami and Ayato to the cause.

Hinami was a natural, able to charm human and ghoul alike. She had a knack for remembering complicated orders and was good at working the register. Ayato was slightly less gifted in terms of dealing with people. He mostly kept to cleaning and delivering orders to tables. Although, like Touka, he seemed to be developing a talent for creating custom coffee blends and was able to guess purely by scent what mixes would work well together.

During a lull in the afternoon traffic, Hinami lightly touched Kaneki's arm to get his attention. He had just finished handing a to-go order to a customer but quickly turned his attention to her, seeing that she looked a little nervous.

“Hinami, is something wrong?”

“Not really,” she curled a lock of hair around her finger. “I was wondering if you and Flower Man were still friends.”

He raised his eyebrows but smiled gently. “Yes, I think we are.”

She relaxed and smiled back at him. “Good. Because I hear him coming.”

Kaneki glanced around the cafe and out the window, more out of habit, but wasn't surprised to not see Tsukiyama. His eyes lingered on the light snowfall outside. “How far off?”

“About a block away. He just crossed the street,” she closed her eyes and hummed a few bars of something familiar. “He's humming the soundtrack from one of those French films he likes.”

“Thanks for the heads-up,” Kaneki went to ruffle her hair but she ducked away from his hand.

“Brother! Not while I'm working,” she twirled around him to check her hair in one of the decorative mirrors, then floated away to see which of her tables needed refills. Kaneki stared after her.

“Touka,” Kaneki pouted at her. “I think Hinami has outgrown me.” He wasn't expecting the vicious glare that he received from her.

“ _You_ don't get to complain!” Kaneki didn't bother to dodge the menu that Touka whacked him with. “I've had it worse! I had to- to...” her voice dropped to a deadly whisper. “I had to give _The Talk_ to her and my stupid brother. _You_ don't get to complain.”

Kaneki opened his mouth and closed it. He nodded solemnly. “You are a paragon of adulthood.”

“Shut the fuck up,” she hit him with the menu again. “Go grab some more of the glass decanters out of the back, if that idiot has finished cleaning them.”

Kaneki nodded and quickly went into the back, eager to be out of swinging range. He found Ayato leaning against a counter, playing on his phone. The sullen youth glanced up briefly when Kaneki came in and immediately returned to tapping on his phone.

“Hey,” Ayato greeted him in a rare show of camaraderie, but without looking up from his phone again.

“Hey,” Kaneki returned, pleasantly surprised but trying not to show it. “So did you...?”

Ayato inclined his head toward the sink where a clean rack of silverware and beverage receptacles sat drying. Kaneki nodded and went to lift the rack out of the sink but Ayato stopped him with a raised hand.

“Could you only take what she asked for? I want her to think I'm still working on it.”

“Staying out of the warpath?” Kaneki grinned.

Ayato rolled his eyes. “You don't even know. She's always crazier this time of year.”

Kaneki thought about continuing the conversation, but decided not to push his luck. He loaded up a serving tray with a few of the decanters and some spoons. “Thanks,” he said on his way back through the door.

Ayato waved distractedly at him.

Kaneki took the tray back out front and had barely set it on the counter before Touka was upon him again.

“He's still working on it!” he said, perhaps a little too quickly.

Touka raised an eyebrow at him. “Okay? Your 'special guest' is here. I sat him at the corner table.”

“He asked for me?” Kaneki leaned around her to spy on Tsukiyama's table.

Touka clicked her tongue. “Why else would he come here?”

“To see Hinami?”

The scathing glare returned.

“Okay, okay,” Kaneki smiled and backed away from her before she could hit him with the menu again.

Tsukiyama smiled as he approached. He was dressed resplendently in a suit of dark maroon with gold embellishments. “ _B_ _uon pomeriggio_ , Kaneki.”

“Good afternoon, Tsukiyama,” Kaneki greeted him, hands folded behind his back. “What brings you here today?”

“Holiday shopping,” he gestured to the bags resting near his feet. “And exceptional coffee. I heard that :re is selling some of its specialty blends. I'd like to get a cup of the usual and three tins of your most popular blend.”

“Of course. Anything else?”

“Do you have time for a brief reprieve?”

Kaneki considered him and slowly smiled. "I suppose I could manage that."

He went back behind the bar and said something to Touka while he prepared the coffee. While Kaneki was busy pouring hot water, she caught Tsukiyama's eye and drew her thumb in a line across her throat. Tsukiyama smiled and waved at her in a flirtatious manner. She glowered at him.

Kaneki returned with two steaming cups of dark elixir and sat opposite of him at the small table. They waited quietly for their coffee to cool, watching the snow fall outside the window.

"Light snow like this always feels very nostalgic to me," Tsukiyama sighed. He leaned back and took a sip of his drink.

Kaneki nodded, indicating for him to continue as he drank his own coffee.

"I've always enjoyed how snow looks, but it took me a while to get used to the reality of it. In films, snow looks like this light fluffy thing," he paused to drink. "But really it's heavy and cold and melts in unfortunate places. As a child, I used to make Matsumae carry me around when I played outside so that I could be near it without actually touching it." He smiled at the memory, eyes far away as he watched the snow.

They lapsed into a companionable silence.

"I've always liked the quiet desolation of snow," Kaneki said.

Tsukiyama snickered. "You would."

Kaneki smiled wryly at him. "One of my favorite scenes from _Black Goat's Egg_ is the one where the protagonist is walking through a snowy field-"

"-right after he's killed the woman who loved him," Tsukiyama smiled. "He's already hidden her body but neglected to treat the wound she gave him with the letter opener."

"The jeweled one, from her mother. 'For all the love letters' she would receive."

"I loved that bit of irony. But you're talking about the line where he's bleeding into the snow."

Kaneki nodded and his gaze became distant as he recited from memory, “'With the numbness of the chill winter air settled into his skin, it came as no surprise that he had forgotten the shallow wound slashed into his side. He touched the exposed flesh, feeling no pain, and marveled at the color smeared on his fingers, black under the moonlight. Exhaling softly, he raised his head and looked out into the night at the monochrome landscape, examining where his blood had dropped into the snow where he had walked. For even though he had bled quite a bit, it did little to mar the beautiful expanse of the pure white canvas surrounding him.'”

Kaneki suddenly giggled and covered his mouth with his hand. “Uh, sorry,” he said when Tsukiyama looked at him quizzically. “I just remembered playing in the snow with Hide when we were growing up. He really liked to make igloos when there was enough snow for it. And even when there wasn't. So one time, he tried to convince me to come inside this poorly constructed abomination. I told him that it didn't look sturdy, so he banged on the sides to prove that it was.” Kaneki laughed again. “Of course, the whole thing fell down on top of him and I had to dig him out.”

Tsukiyama smiled. “I'm glad that he was able to give you some pleasant childhood memories.”

“Well, we were sixteen when that happened but yes, Hide's always... ah, sorry,” Kaneki said, fidgeting. “I didn't mean to ramble on.”

“It's quite alright. He seems to have been an unfortunately good influence on you.”

“Really.” Kaneki's tone was disbelieving.

“Truly.” Tsukiyama put down his empty cup. “You seem... lighter. Whenever you talk about him. That sort of fluffiness doesn't quite appeal to my aesthetic, but I suppose I can appreciate what it's done for yours.”

“Um... thank you?”

“You're welcome,” he said smoothly. “Now, I think I've about outstayed my welcome. Could you please fetch me those tins before dear Touka burns a hole through my head?”

Kaneki glanced back at the bar where Touka had just turned away and appeared to be very preoccupied with cleaning the espresso machine.

…

“So, how do I look?” Hide spun round in a circle, his black apron flying up. He struck a pose with his hands on his hips. “Totally dashing, right?”

Touka gave him her best not-remotely-impressed face. “If you look good, it's only because I chose a good uniform for this place.” She pointed a finger-gun at him. “You're welcome.”

Hide grinned and spun a serving tray on his finger.

“If you break anything today, I'll make you reimburse me for all the food you've eaten,” Touka snatched the tray and slapped him on the butt with it.

“Hey, don't bruise the goods!” he yelped and made a show of rubbing his backside.

“No promises,” Touka smirked and motioned for him to follow her through the door to the front of the cafe. “I know you remember how to work the register, but show me if you remember how to use a French press.” She moved to the other side of the counter and sat at the bar. She watched Hide bustle around; checking the kettle, measuring out beans, working the grinder.

“Keep that grind medium-coarse.”

“Of _course_ ,” Hide waggled his eyebrows.

Touka rolled her eyes but she smiled. “So, what do you need the extra cash for, anyway? Aren't you the type to buy your boyfriend's Christmas present in, like, June?”

“Guilty as charged,” Hide laughed. “Well, not until September. I guess I was a little late this year.”

“Then...?”

Hide measured the coffee grinds into the press and sighed, “I got him a book.”

“So? Fuckin' nerd loves books.”

“Well, yeah.” Hide carefully poured enough water in to soak the grinds. “And I know he'll love it, but...” Hide drummed his fingers on the counter. He glanced around nervously even though they were the only ones downstairs. “Okay, this is super petty so please don't repeat this.” Touka leaned forward onto the bar, looking a little too pleased at being able to see Hide in a flustered state.

“I got him,” Hide bit his lip. “I got him 'a book with sentimental value'.”

Touka stared at him. Then it clicked and she burst out laughing. “Tsukiyama's guess in the bet? Holy shit! Oh my god!” She was practically rolling on her chair, clutching her sides as she laughed.

Hide stared dourly at the French press as he filled it the rest of the way with hot water.

“So, what then?” Touka asked, wiping tears from the corners of her eyes. “You need to get him a different gift? Just gonna hang on to that book until next year?”

“I dunno! Maybe!” Hide lifted a mug and turned it over and over in his hands. Touka watched the motion and lifted an eyebrow.

“Hide,” she said with increasing suspicion, “Are you...”

“Don't.”

“Are you actually jealous-”

“Nope!”

“-of Tsukiyama?”

“I can't hear you over the sound of my brain screaming!” Hide continued to roll the mug in his hands while humming one note very loudly. Touka sighed and watched him hum until he started going red in the face from running out of air. She checked the wall clock.

“Are you done yet?”

Hide refilled his lungs and then slowly exhaled. “Yeah, I guess.”

“You're not really worried are you? I still don't care for him, but they're just friends. They talk about nerd book stuff.”

“Worried? Oh, no, that's not...” Hide frowned and rubbed his hand through his hair. “I know they were sort of together-together for a bit but that's not...”

“God, you sound like Kaneki with all that muttering,” Touka leaned forward and propped her chin up on her hand. “Just spit it out!”

Hide set the mug down and pushed the plunger into the press. He waited a moment for some of the finer grounds to settle and then poured the coffee. Touka watched him expectantly as he folded his hands around the mug and stared into the dark liquid.

“It's really not his fault and I should actually be sort of grateful to Tsukiyama, but...” Hide shrugged in an attempt to seem casual but his expression was contemplative. “He was there for him when I wasn't. When Ken left...”

_When he left me._

“When Kaneki left his human life, I tried to follow as best I could. But I could never quite catch up, y'know?” His grip on the mug tightened. “Tsukiyama was there, though. He was welcomed into a part of his life that Kaneki didn't want me in. And it's not like I don't understand his reasoning, but- fuck, I dunno.” He shook his head. “Like I said, it's petty.”

“I can relate to a little pettiness,” Touka smiled and reached across the counter to pat his arm consolingly. Then something else occurred to her. “That's why you pushed him about the trust thing, isn't it? You thought he was going to leave again.”

Hide didn't look at her. He swirled the coffee in his mug.

“It makes sense,” she mused. “Everything's sort of settled down. He could have been thinking something unnecessary like 'no one needs me now'.”

“And he was avoiding me,” Hide said quietly. “I could tell that he was hiding something. I thought he was trying to ease me into a break this time. I was so scared that one day I would wake up and he would just... be gone.” He laughed suddenly and wiped at his eyes. “And now we make out all the time! So I guess everything worked out way better than expected.”

Touka grinned and shook her head. “Never have two idiots deserved each other more.”

“Touka, that was beautiful. Please say that at our wedding.”

“Shut up and taste your coffee.”

“No I can already tell I over-ground it please don't make me drink it.”

“You're gonna waste my beans?” she narrowed her eyes at him.

Hide said a small prayer to whatever coffee gods were listening and raised the mug to his lips. “Mmm, crunchy,” he grimaced and stuck out his tongue.

“Okay okay, you don't have to finish it,” Touka laughed. “It looks like you remember the process, but fix your grind and watch your timing. Rinse that out and try once more.”

“Ma'am yes ma'am!” Hide saluted and moved over to the sink. “Sooo,” he said over the sound of the running water. “Speaking of things that work out way better than you expect them to--”

“No.”

“You don't even know what I was gonna say!”

Touka gave him an unaffected stare. Hide pouted at her and she rolled her eyes. “Please. If you're going to pout then you should get Kaneki to give you lessons. He does that way better than you.”

“Yeah, he does,” Hide sighed dreamily.

“Gross,” Touka groaned.

“You could be gross too, if you wanted,” he said nonchalantly, measuring out beans into the grinder.

“I know you're not talking about what we're not talking about.” Touka eyed the stack of menus sitting nearby on the counter-top.

Hide put the grinds into the press. Then he put his hand on the stack of menus and slid them further away from Touka before pouring in hot water to let the coffee bloom. He ignored her annoyed ' _tsk'_ and waited.

“Now,” Touka said.

Hide poured in the rest of the hot water and set the plunger on top without pushing it in. “How long?”

“About three and a half minutes.”

“So, we've got time to chat.”

“Ugh!” Touka raised her hands, clenching and unclenching them. “Why are you like this!”

“C'mon, Touka. You maintained an entire blog dedicated to documenting all the awkward flirting going on between me and Kaneki and you don't wanna admit that maybe-”

“Don't.”

“Just maybe, you're still thinking about-”

“I don't want to hear this, Hide!” Touka made a lunge for the menus but Hide quickly gathered all of them up and stepped back from the counter.

“Fine. I won't say anything,” Hide walked over to the register, placing the menus officially out of reach. “But now you'll be subjected to my interpretive dance for the next two and half minutes!”

“What.”

Hide waved his arms and did a few spins. There were jazz hands, lunges, and even a small leap. Touka was at a loss as to how to interpret any of it. But somewhere in between his over-the-top gesturing and outrageous facial expressions, she did begin to smile again.

“You're so fucking ridiculous. Press the damn plunger.”

“Aye aye!” He pushed the plunger in and poured another cup of coffee. Touka motioned for him to hand it to her.

“Mmm,” she said thoughtfully. “Not terrible.”

...

 


	9. A Well-Placed Metaphor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting used to all the touching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating a day early because of the hurricane! I'm not in a mandatory evacuation area, but I'll probably lose power for a few days. Wish me luck!  
> EDIT: Everything is super good!! Thanks, guys!! :]

"Do you even need to take him on a date? The two of you are basically married already. Pass me that knife."

"Here," Kaneki gave it to her, handle first. "I don't know. I feel like I ought to. The relationship guides I've been reading talk about 'keeping the romance alive.'"

"Ugh," Touka grimaced as she sliced the flesh away from bone with a practiced hand. "Should you really be reading those? Aren't they, like, super heteronormative?"

Kaneki stared at her.

"What?" Touka demanded, waving the bloodied knife at him. "I've been on the internet more since I started blogging. I can have a hobby!"

Kaneki smiled and wrapped a piece of thigh meat in butcher's paper. "I'm not saying you can't."

Touka gave him a final glare before going back to cutting up the leg on the counter-top. "Anyway, what would be so different about an actual date versus what you guys already do? What're you gonna do; Go to a bookstore and then watch him eat a burger?" She smirked when Kaneki pouted.

"That's what I'm trying to figure out."

"You're just overthinking it, as usual. That kid is happy with anything you give him, even your terrible literary references."

"Yeah, he is," Kaneki sighed happily.

"Stop that."

"Sorry."

When Touka finished with the leg, she started bagging up the leftover bones and skin in a black trash bag. Kaneki folded pieces of brown paper around the rest of the meat cuts.

Touka stripped off her latex gloves when the worst of the mess had been taken care of. "You know," she said as she sponged up blood from the counter, "He really liked that day you guys went to the park on the coast."

Kaneki perked up from where he had been marking the date on the parcels. "Really? He said so?"

"Yeah, he was super annoying about it too."

"That sounds about right," Kaneki smiled.

"Ugh, it's weird seeing you happy all the time," Touka made a face and wiped the red from her hands onto her black apron. "You two are so gross."

They loaded up the walk-in fridge with the meat and trash bags.

"Do you want me to take care of those?" Kaneki gestured to the black bags.

"Nah, I'm taking care of it tomorrow morning when I go meet up with Yomo. Oh," she snapped her fingers. "Don't let me forget to grab seven parcels and those coffee tins I set aside."

"Seven? Wait, are you planning on being gone all day? I can cover in the morning but--"

"Kaneki," Touka raised an eyebrow. "Do you know what tomorrow is?"

"...'Bogo Caffè Americano before 11am' day?"

"Seriously?" Touka's expression was one of pure disdain. "Your birthday was three days ago. So if today's the twenty-third..."

"Holy shit tomorrow is Christmas Eve."

"You really did get stabbed through the brain, didn't you."

Kaneki nodded. "Twice."

They stared at each other for a minute, then both started laughing awkwardly.

"You're so fucked up," Touka patted him affectionately on the back. "I love you anyway, you big dumbass. Don't tell anyone."

"Thanks, Touka, you too." He sighed, "Crap, I can't believe I forgot tomorrow was- I mean, I remembered that Christmas was the day after tomorrow but I forgot that Christmas Eve is like a couples thing and I-" Kaneki waved his hands. "I'm part of a _couple_ now and _fuck_ do you think Hide is expecting something then?"

"Well, I know he wouldn't forget an entire pre-holiday celebration." Touka clicked the padlock into place on the fridge door. "I'm not gonna bother opening tomorrow, but be here in the morning to help me get ready. I'm going to meet up with Yomo and then we're visiting Banjou and his crew in ninth. Can you make sure to open at noon on the twenty-sixth though?"

"Of course." Kaneki flicked off the lights and followed Touka out of the kitchen.

...

"A date?"

They were lounging on Kaneki's bed, already dressed for sleep. The man himself was lying down, holding up a book that he was pretending to read but was actually quietly panicking about asking Hide out.

"Yeah. Is that weird?" Kaneki peeked at him over the edge of his book.

"Uh no, since we're _dating_ ," Hide grinned as he adjusted the pegs on his guitar. "And we need to make up for not doing anything for your birthday."

Kaneki's eyes slid back to a spot on the page in front of him. "It didn't feel right."

Hide plucked a string to test the sound. "I know. Do you think visiting Arima helped?"

Kaneki recalled the stone gray marker from a few days ago. In the chill winter air, the gravestone had felt like ice to the touch. He remembered the heaviness of Arima's corpse in his arms from a year ago.

"Not really."

Hide paused in his tinkering and put the guitar on the floor. He laid down next to Kaneki on the bed and brought him into his arms.

"You're squishing my glasses," came Kaneki's muffled protest from where he was held tight against Hide's chest.

Hide took the novel from him and carefully removed Kaneki's glasses from his face. He put both on the nightstand, then curled himself back around him. "Better?" He kissed the top of Kaneki's head.

"Mm," Kaneki put his arms around Hide and underneath his shirt.

"Your hands are cold."

"M'hmm."

Hide rubbed his hands up and down Kaneki's back. If nothing else, at least he hadn't been losing weight. Hide was worried that he might stop eating again. "So where did you wanna go?"

"Mm?"

"On our date."

"Oh." Kaneki nuzzled his chest. "I wanted to surprise you. If that's alright."

"A surprise sounds nice."

Kaneki heard the pace of Hide's heartbeat increase and smiled.

"Is there anything I should know? Anything I need to bring?"

Kaneki tipped his head up to kiss Hide's neck. "Bring yourself and a good coat. Preferably something windproof."

"Ooh, that's exciting. Wait, am I gonna be naked under the coat?"

Kaneki snorted. "Sure, if you want to freeze."

"Nah, you'll keep me warm."

Kaneki removed his arms from under the shirt, letting his nails scrape lightly down Hide's back. Hide's breath hitched and he bit his lip, shivering at the sensation. Kaneki pushed him fully onto his back and lay on his chest, legs tangled together. "You're really sensitive, huh?" He kissed Hide's jaw just below his ear.

"Uh, yeah I guess you could say that," his face flushed as Kaneki left a line of kisses on his jaw and eventually made his way to Hide's lips. He sighed contentedly, one hand carding through Kaneki's hair and the other pressed to the small of his back. He loved having his weight on top of him like this; more solid than anything he could have imagined.

Kaneki licked Hide's lower lip before breaking the kiss to pull back and look at him. His eyes were soft, affectionate. "Your freckles look really cute when you blush like that."

Hide blinked at him and then turned even more red. "Ohmygod don't tell me that, I can't handle that."

Kaneki laughed and kissed him again. "When did you get so shy, Hide?" he teased.

"It's not... um," Hide chewed on his lip. "I guess when I imagined things between us I hadn't thought that you would be so..."

"Aggressive?"

"Receptive to physical affection," Hide said. "I wouldn't call it aggressive, but I did think that I would have to work harder to get you to be okay with all the touching. And you've always been uncomfortable about compliments."

"Yeah, you're right," Kaneki agreed. "I don't know. I guess I just feel like- like I've missed a lot of opportunities to be closer to you. And now..." He rested his forehead against Hide's, looking underneath his eyes at the starry pattern of freckles on his cheeks and admiring how they stood out against his flushed skin. "Now I don't want to miss out on something good just because I'm scared of it."

"Scared of it?"

"Of... this being too good to be true."

"Oh, _Ken_..." Hide kissed him. At first, he had thought that getting to touch Kaneki like this would take the edge off some of the _wanting,_ but all it really did was leave him craving more. He angled his head to deepen the kiss, humming appreciatively when Kaneki slipped his tongue into his mouth. And then hands were in his hair, pulling just on the side of rough and he moaned; both pleased and embarrassed that Kaneki had figured this out about him. But two could play at that game; he put a hand on the back of Kaneki's neck and moved him so that he could kiss his throat.

Hide gently bit down on the junction between his neck and shoulder and waited for a reaction. Kaneki made a small noise and tilted his head. He bit down harder this time and the effect was instantaneous; Kaneki shivered on top of him, hands still tangled in Hide's dark locks, whimpering quietly as he continued to suck on his skin. Hide ran his hands down Kaneki's sides, over his hips, and then back up under his shirt. His skin felt warmer than usual. He moved from caressing Kaneki's back to clutching at his waist, mouth still determined to mark Kaneki's throat with red. Kaneki rolled his hips against his own, tentatively at first but then again with increasing urgency until he found the prefect alignment, both of them gasping at the pressure as they rubbed against each other. Even having just their boxers separating them felt like too many layers. Hide groaned low in his throat and rolled them so that he was on top, sitting up momentarily to shuck off his shirt.

Kaneki's hands grasped his shoulders and immediately pulled him back into a kiss, sucking at his lip and licking into his mouth with long, languid strokes of his tongue against Hide's. But then he felt the rough, uneven skin on Hide's left shoulder and froze. The scar he had made.

_What am I doing?_

Hide felt Kaneki's muscles tense, felt the delicate touch of his fingers over scar tissue. But Kaneki was already pulling away from him, letting his hands slide down Hide's arms.

"Hey now," Hide cupped Kaneki's face and gently bumped their foreheads together. Kaneki's gray eyes were lowered in guilt. He wouldn't meet his gaze. Hide could practically hear him screaming in his head _I'm sorry I'm so sorry, you should hate me why don't you hate me!_

"Stop that." Hide bumped his head against Kaneki's again, harder this time. "Stop what you're thinking right now. It's okay. I'm okay." He kissed the corner of Kaneki's left eye and smiled, open and honest. "I'm so glad you're here."

"Hide..."

Hide cut him off with a kiss. "Be here,” he whispered, lips brushing as he spoke. “Be with me." He kissed Kaneki again and tried to pour all of his longing, all of his affection into the press of his lips.

Kaneki's response was slow at first but then grew in urgency. He kissed Hide back with a new fervor, running his hands over Hide's chest and arching his back, seeking more contact, more friction. Hide's hands roamed over his body, pushing his shirt up and off, scraping blunt nails over skin. Kaneki gasped when Hide slid down to bite and kiss at his chest and stomach.

Feeling satisfied with the work he had done on Kaneki's neck, Hide set himself on marking his boyfriend's pale chest with red. He sucked and licked on his skin, delighting when Kaneki gripped his hair too hard or was unable to hold back a moan.

“H-Hide, please...”

Hide looked up at Kaneki and was pleased to find him flushed and glassy-eyed. He was breathing heavily and beginning to glisten with sweat, despite the slight chill in the room.

“Hmm?” Hide hummed and licked his hip bone, holding his eyes all the while. “'Please' what?”

Kaneki briefly dared to give him an assertive ' _you know what_ ' look before glancing away shyly. _Don't make me say it._

“Kaneki,” Hide ran his hand slowly up the inside of Kaneki's thigh, teasing the skin just out of sight underneath the hem of his boxers. “I won't know unless you tell me.”

“Liar.”

Hide couldn't help but laugh. He went even lower and mouthed at Kaneki's member through his boxers, exhaling hot breath. Kaneki whined and tugged at his hair, hips chasing the heat of his mouth when Hide pulled away.

“Maybe I just want to hear you say it.” He hooked his fingers under the elastic of Kaneki's waistband and left them there, looking insistently up at him. Kaneki finally looked back at Hide and bit his lip. Then a hand left Hide's hair to cover his eyes, the other hand still firmly in place to keep him from moving away.

“H-hey!”

“Suck me.” Kaneki's voice was low and rough. “I want you to suck me.”

Hide felt a wave of heat course through him. “Is that all you want?” He licked his lips.

“...No.”

“What else, then?” Hide grinned, knowing how flustered Kaneki must look.

Another pause then, “Surprise me.”

Hide caught Kaneki's wrist, pulling the hand away from his eyes, and placed a kiss to his palm. “I guess I could whip something up,” he smiled coyly at him.

Hide pulled Kaneki's boxers off and settled himself back between his legs. He ran a thumb up Kaneki's length before wrapping his hand around him, listening for the hitch in Kaneki's breath. He licked the head a few times, sampling the taste and swirling his tongue, before taking Kaneki into his mouth.

Kaneki clamped his hands over his mouth to stifle a groan as Hide began to move. He couldn't take his eyes off of him; watching himself being engulfed by the slick heat of his mouth, the way Hide's lips stretched around him, the feeling of his tongue moving along the underside of his shaft. Then those brown eyes were on him, too sharp and alert while Kaneki felt undone and exposed. Realizing that Hide was watching for his reaction, Kaneki tried to curl into himself on instinct but just ended up squeezing Hide's shoulders with his legs.

He folded an arm over his eyes, one hand still covering his mouth. It didn't help much, he could still feel Hide's eyes on him and now not being able to see made him feel more sensitive to Hide's ministrations. It was just like Hide to be noisy even with his mouth full; he hummed as he sucked on Kaneki, moaning when he took him deeper, and Kaneki whimpered at the feeling of the vibrations. He muffled another moan as he felt Hide suck on his head and shuddered when he pulled off with a wet _pop_ , dipping his tongue into the slit before he moved away. Hide's hand continued to work on him, sliding up and down as he sucked at the sensitive skin on the inside of Kaneki's thigh, pulling flesh between his teeth. Kaneki keened and his legs quivered but it wasn't enough, he wanted more. More of Hide's hands on him, more of his soft lips and tongue, more of his lean muscle and hard cock. But Hide pulled away completely and Kaneki felt the dip in the mattress as he crawled over him.

His arms were tugged away from his face. Hide was looking at him with gentle concern but there was also that burning heat still in his eyes. His face was flushed and lips still wet. He put his hand under Kaneki's chin and thumbed his lip. “You okay?”

“Y-yeah.” Kaneki blushed and drew that thumb into his mouth, sucking. He swirled his tongue over the digit, pleased to have startled Hide into temporary silence. He released his thumb and yanked at the hem of Hide's boxers, annoyed that they were still on. Hide chuckled and shimmied out of his underwear.

He crawled back over Kaneki and let himself be pulled into another kiss. Kaneki shifted under him, still enthusiastically exploring his mouth and rubbing his hands over heated skin. Hide reveled in the feel of Kaneki's warmth, of hands roaming over his body, in the spread of his legs so that Hide's hips could press flush against his own. Speaking of which- Hide rolled his hips and Kaneki moaned into his mouth as they rubbed together, legs rising so that his thighs could tighten their hold on Hide's sides. They were a mess of eager mouths, greedy hands, and growing need.

Hide broke the kiss momentarily to lick his palm and then lower it between them. Kaneki gasped when he felt Hide's hand wrap around both of them and begin to move. His hands scrambled to grasp at Hide's neck, shoulders, nails sinking into flesh.

"Ken," Hide moaned against his lips. "Fuck, you feel amazing, you're so good, you're incredible."

Kaneki moaned, hips jerking into his touch as Hide's hand continued to pump up and down.

"What's... what's really incredible is..." Hide panted, breath hot on Kaneki's face, "You don't even know. You don't even know how fucking hot you are."

Kaneki whined, embarrassed but pleased and incredibly aroused. "Hide, you c-can't just-" he groaned as Hide thrust, sliding his hot length against his own.

"Would you have let me, let me keep going in the café?"

"W-what?" Kaneki could barely think, had no idea why Hide was trying to hold a conversation. Overwhelmed by the heat and Hide's scent, Hide's touch, the strength of his own need.

"The other day, downstairs," he moaned. "I could have fucked you right there in the kitchen."

" _Hide!_ " Kaneki bucked his hips, scratched too hard with his nails.

"Would you stop me? If I tried it again?" Hide rutted against him, shuddering. "If I wanted to suck you off, let you fuck my face? Do it quick before we got caught?"

Kaneki whined, caught on the idea of Hide kneeling on the tiled floor, begging for his cock, licking his lips and clutching at Kaneki's thighs. Then giving it to him, making him gag, watching his face go red.

"Or what if... what if I wanted to bend you over the counter?" Hide looked at him hungrily, eyes dark. His hand was shaking now as it moved over them. Kaneki felt too sensitive, too aware of Hide's heat, the weight of his body on top of him, getting closer-

"What if I wanted to fuck you in just the apron?" Hide didn't wait for an answer; he kissed Kaneki roughly when he opened his mouth to moan. Swallowed his whimpers as Kaneki came over their chests, body trembling.

Hide peppered light kisses over Kaneki's face before wriggling out of his grasp and sitting up. He continued to stroke himself, taking in the sight of Kaneki thoroughly wrecked and covered in come, skin flushed and breathing hard. Hide ran two fingers over his chest, gathering up semen and then smearing it over his own cock. He groaned and pumped himself faster with the new slickness, never taking his eyes off of Kaneki. He came with a gasp, adding to the mess on Kaneki's chest. Then he sighed and laid back down heavily on top of him.

“Gross,” Kaneki grunted under Hide's weight but lacked the motivation to move him.

Hide wheezed a laugh. After a few moments of catching his breath, he said, “We're gonna have to clean up anyway.”

Kaneki made a vaguely disgruntled noise.

Hide smiled. “So, how did you like your surprise?”

“Too gooey.”

Hide rolled off of him, probably too amused at the way Kaneki grimaced at the sticky mess between them. “Not that. The dirty talk. Thought I'd try it out. Well, does it count as dirty talk if I'm just thinking out loud?”

“Ohmygod,” Kaneki covered his face and Hide laughed.

“I'll want an answer eventually,” he grinned.

“Are you always going to be this chatty after sex?”

“Probably,” he nodded. “Also, hungry. After we shower, can you start a load of laundry while I make a grilled cheese?”

“No,” Kaneki sighed. “I'll make you food, but you have to take the sheets downstairs yourself. I don't want to risk running into Touka.”

Hide laughed again and kissed Kaneki's shoulder. “Deal.”

...

 


	10. The Road Goes Ever On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's a date-date

 

"You could have mentioned goggles!" Hide shouted over the roar of the wind in his ears. But he was laughing, exhilarated.

Kaneki was carrying Hide bridal style and launching them from rooftop to rooftop with his kagune. They were high over Tokyo, practically flying past the cars and people who traversed the streets below them. It was a little risky, true, but Kaneki was banking on the bright lights, loud music, and general feel-good atmosphere to camouflage them. Spotting a good vantage point closer to the main hub of the shopping area, Kaneki abruptly swung them sharply to the right and rappelled quickly down the side of a building. Hide shrieked with joy and tightened his arms around Kaneki's neck.

When they landed, Kaneki helped Hide back into a standing position. His legs wobbled a bit but he grinned and ran to the edge of the roof to marvel at the sight below them. It was a veritable sea of multi-colored string lights and good cheer. Couples strolled about on the streets, shopping at boutiques and eating dinner and taking selfies. Speaking of which, Hide slung an arm around Kaneki's shoulders when he came close enough and brought out his cellphone.

"Say 'Love-Love'!"

"Hide, no."

Hide snapped a picture anyway. And then another when he kissed Kaneki on the cheek.

"Yessss, that's a good one!" Hide said as he checked the pics. In the second one, Kaneki was the very picture of surprise; eyes wide and lips parted with a light blush on his cheeks.

"Geeze," Kaneki pouted. "Please don't post those."

"Of course not! These are for my personal scrapbook."

"I really can't tell if you're being facetious or if that's your latest hobby."

"Hmm, I'm still on my guitar kick right now, but papercraft may be on the horizon. Good idea, Kaneki!"

Kaneki imagined photos of his monochrome, morose expression surrounded by brightly colored craft paper and possibly sequins and probably also glitter glue.

"Why."

Hide laughed and kissed him for real this time, bringing his hands up to cup Kaneki's face. Kaneki took a moment to admire how the colors from the street below highlighted his face before closing his eyes and leaning into the warmth. Hide's lips were cold and chapped so he licked them, eliciting a soft noise from him. He looped his arms around Hide's neck and-

"You've got to be kidding me."

They turned to stare at-

"Kimi! Nishio-senpai!"

"Stop calling me that!"

"Please find your own romantic randevú," Kaneki said, securing his arms around Hide's neck and staying pressed against him. "This rooftop is occupied."

"Merry Christmas!" Kimi greeted them. "This time really is a coincidence, I promise."

"An unfortunate coincidence."

Kimi elbowed her beau. "Don't be a sourpuss just because you blew 5,000 yen on their love!"

"You lost, too," Nishio rubbed the spot where she hit him.

"I was so close though!" Kimi shook her fists.

"Uh," Hide said, distracted by the novelty of Kaneki being affectionate in front of other people.

Kimi laughed. "Okay okay, we'll find a different make-out spot. But seriously, we have to stop meeting like this."

Nishio scooped her up and coiled his kagune into a spring. "Later."

"Have fun, boys!" Kimi waved as Nishio launched them over the edge of the building. "Ooh, buy me some takoyaki..." they heard her say as her voice faded.

"Well," Kaneki said.

"Yep," Hide agreed.

"You want takoyaki now, don't you?"

Hide smiled and rubbed his cold nose against Kaneki's. "You know me so well."

“We can drop down over there,” Kaneki gestured towards a dark alley that connected to the main street on the side of the next building over. “Ready?”

“Wait wait wait,” Hide reached inside of his coat to pull a small, lumpy package out of an inner pocket. “Merry-early-Christmas! I know we didn't really talk about exchanging gifts, but you could definitely use this right now,” he grinned.

“Thank you, Hide.” Kaneki shyly received the gift and carefully pulled apart the brightly colored paper. He kept glancing nervously at Hide who was eagerly watching him.

“Oh!” It was a knitted black and white hat with tassels. “You really hated my gray cap, huh?” he chuckled but then realized that there were a small pair of black ears sewn onto the top, made to mimic a panda. He looked at Hide in dawning horror as his boyfriend revealed his own matching hat, which was brown with long, floppy rabbit ears.

“Hide, no.”

“Hide, yes!” he tugged on his rabbit ears in excitement. “C'mon, it'll be fun!”

They stared each other down. Eventually, Kaneki sighed and put on the hat. “Okay, but no pictures.”

“Deal!” Hide grinned and adjusted Kaneki's hat so that it was centered, brushing his bangs out of his eyes. “You look so cute!”

“No, you. You're... cute.” Kaneki blushed and followed an impulse to tug on the tassels of Hide's hat, pulling him into a kiss.

Hide giggled when they separated, eyes bright with happiness. “Um, okay okay. Let's uh, hehe, let's go-”

“I love you,” Kaneki said, surprising both of them. “I-I mean... yeah. I love you, Hide.”

Hide's mouth formed a silent 'oh'. Then his eyes became wet and he was nodding furiously. “I love you too, you big goober!” He threw his arms around Kaneki and peppered kisses over his face.

Kaneki wondered if he would ever get used to the weird fluttery thing that his heart sometimes did around Hide. He had read that this sort of feeling was supposed to go away after a couple had been together long enough, but Hide had been there for almost his whole life.

Hopefully, he would be there for the rest of it too.

“Okay, now let's go for real. I'm hungry!”

Kaneki sighed, his breath making a small cloud, and scooped Hide up. They jumped over to the next rooftop and then dropped down carefully into the alleyway. Hide kept a lookout while Kaneki tucked his shirt in and made sure that he hadn't ripped his coat anywhere.

“You look good,” Hide smiled when he caught Kaneki fidgeting for too long with his shirt collar. He held out his hand. “Ready?”

Kaneki blushed and let Hide lead him out onto the brightly lit street. They merged seamlessly into the foot traffic, no one sparing them a second glance. Once they had fallen into pace, Hide made to let go of his hand, but Kaneki laced their fingers together. He didn't look at Hide, but he could feel the happiness radiating off of him and smiled when Hide's thumb rubbed over his own.

…

They didn't stop into many of the shops, choosing instead to stroll about aimlessly and enjoyed looking at the bright decorations and colorful displays. Though they did stop at a food stall for takoyaki and afterwords went into a stationery store to warm up. Kaneki noticed a couple of girls giggling at him near the washi tape and he blushed, remembering their hats. He pulled Hide farther back into the store, where the shelves were higher. Hide grinned and followed after.

“I bet you're good at writing,” Hide said as they browsed through notebooks.

“Oh?” Kaneki ran his hand lightly over a stack of journals with fabric covers. “I haven't really ever written anything, except for school.”

“Yeah. I dunno, you read a lot-”

Kaneki snorted.

“Okay, you read a metric fuck-ton,” Hide grinned and bumped his shoulder against Kaneki's. “And you're, like, really clever and imaginative. Even when you're angry- well, sometimes especially when you're angry- your words get really flowery, y'know?”

“I guess,” Kaneki shrugged and picked up a hardback notebook, glad that he wearing his ridiculous panda hat so that Hide couldn't see his red ears. Although if his toothy grin was any indication, Hide seemed to know anyway.

“You should try it out!” Hide plucked the notebook out of his hands and flipped it open. “This one is unlined, though. Oh! Let's get you a lined one for writing and an unlined one for drawing. Or do you prefer ones with grid paper?”

“W-wait, Hide!” Kaneki tried to grab the notebook but Hide held it away from him. “I- I don't need...”

“Why not?” Hide asked, genuinely confused. “You love drawing. I remember you filling notebooks like crazy when we started college.”

“That's because I finally had a place to put them,” Kaneki sighed and stopped trying to reach for the notebook so that they wouldn't make a scene. It had been hard enough keeping his father's books at his Aunt's house. Any other personal effects that she deemed 'excessive' were subject to her scrutiny. In the best case scenario, they were simply thrown out. If he was unlucky enough (and he often was), he would first be ridiculed for his interests and then they were thrown out. Kaneki yelped when there was suddenly a heavy, warm weight draped over his shoulders.

“Sorry,” Hide murmured close to his ear. He gently squeezed Kaneki.

“It's not your problem.” Kaneki leaned back into him. Hide rocked them from side to side.

“Well, you have a place to put them now.”

Kaneki shrugged, or tried to under Hide's arms. “I don't need them. It'd just take up space.”

“Pssh! Like I don't leave my crap all over the apartment.”

“Hide-”

“It's your home too, Kaneki.” Hide kissed his cheek. “I want you to fill it with all the things you like.”

Kaneki took the notebook that was still dangling from one of Hide's hands. He frowned at it. “You're just trying to get me into your hobby-thing, aren't you?”

Hide laughed. “Yeah, obviously! So if your stuff is everywhere, then I don't have to feel bad about my stuff everywhere!”

“Well, I guess if it'll make you feel better...” Kaneki sighed and went back over to the section with fabric covers, Hide hanging off of him. He flipped through a few before finding a paper weight he liked, then selected one with a dark green cover. “I like this one.”

“For writing or drawing?”

“Both.”

“Hmm, okay. Now let's get you some fancy pens!”

“Hide.”

“Hmm?”

“Please get off me.”

“No.”

...

“I still can't believe you did that,” Kaneki groaned as he locked the backdoor behind them.

“Her face though!” Hide laughed. “Besides, she was a ghoul. She totally got it.”

“That makes it worse!” Kaneki put his hands on Hide's back and pushed him towards the stairs. “It is in no way okay to _gargle coffee_ in front of the waitress and make a _tonsil hockey_ joke!”

“What, you _wanted_ me to taste like Christmas cake? I was just doing you a favor.” Hide grinned, turning to look over his shoulder.

“Careful!” Kaneki said a moment too late as they both lost their footing at the bottom of the stairs. He was able to catch himself, but Hide grinned and pulled him down. “Oof! ...Really?”

“Really really,” Hide smiled, hugging him to his chest.

Kaneki sighed and braced his hands on the wall and railing. Slowly, he managed to push himself back up even with Hide hanging off of him.

“Ghoul strength is cheating,” Hide kissed his nose before finally relenting. He picked up the shopping bag they had dropped.

“You just want to fool around in the kitchen.” Kaneki pulled the front of Hide's hat down over his eyes as he passed him up the stairs.

“Nah, it doesn't have quite the same appeal at night,” Hide grinned, pulling on the rabbit ears to right it as he followed. “It's more fun if the risk of getting caught is there. Plus you in the uniform, smellin' all coffee-like.”

Kaneki swallowed around a sudden lump in his throat and preoccupied himself with unlocking their apartment. “Hide, I'm beginning to suspect that you have a taste for exhibitionism.”

“Really? Just now?” Hide crowded him against the door, reaching his arms around Kaneki to undo the buttons on his coat. Kaneki fumbled with the lock when he felt Hide's lips touch the back of his neck. He got the door open on the third try.

They shed their outer layers and shoes, Hide ruffling Kaneki's hair when he took the panda hat off. Then he grasped Kaneki's hands in both of his own and tugged him back into his bedroom. “C'mon, I wanna show you something.”

“I hope that's not a dick joke.”

“Not this time!”

He never said as much, but Kaneki really did prefer Hide's bedroom to his own. Kaneki's was clean and neat and mostly decorated in terms of utility. Hide's felt warmer and definitely reflected his personal tastes. His current bedsheets were a peach color with several bright blankets thrown on top, one of which was patterned with the same rabbit character that Touka liked. The top of his dresser was littered with small tools, lockpicks, and half-finished projects that seemed to involve various metal pieces and a mess of tiny wires. Hide had his own bookshelf too, but instead of novels there were instruction manuals, maps, blueprints, and old CCG records. There was even an entire shelf of his own hand-written technical notes, though Kaneki noted that sheet music was also becoming a prevalent addition. But also-

“Hide,” Kaneki frowned deeply. “Why are your clothes everywhere? I thought you did laundry last weekend.”

“I did! The clean ones are still in the basket, see?” Hide pointed to the foot of the bed.

“What about the ones in the chair? And on your bed?”

“The ones in the chair have only been worn once and passed the sniff test. Uh, the ones on the bed are because I couldn't decide what to wear tonight,” Hide turned away and began to gather up the clothes laying out. The back of his neck was flushed.

Kaneki smiled and made himself comfortable on the bed once a space had been cleared. He hugged a pillow to his chest and watched Hide dart around to do his last-minute cleanup.

“Okay!” Hide puffed with his hands on his hips after the room was moderately cleaner. Kaneki put the pillow aside and applauded politely. “Now for the actual thing!” He went over to his bookshelf and reached behind a partially disassembled transistor radio to retrieve a small wrapped package. Then he picked up his guitar from where it was leaning against the wall and hopped onto the bed.

“You got me something else?” Kaneki fidgeted, already recognizing the package as being book-shaped.

“Yeah, this one is for your birthday! It's no fair having your birthday overshadowed by a holiday, right?” Hide pressed the gift into his hands.

“Hide, I...” the bottom of Kaneki's stomach was threatening to drop. “I didn't get you anything.”

“That's fine! Like I said, I know we didn't talk about it.”

Kaneki looked guiltily at the bright wrapping paper. “I'm sorry that-” He squeaked as Hide was suddenly on him, pushing him back onto the bed. Hide blew a loud, wet raspberry against his neck and Kaneki laughed and swatted his arms. “Oh, gross! Stop!”

“No! Not until you consent to being spoiled by me!” He caught Kaneki's hands and pinned them down.

“Consent through coercion is not consent!” Kaneki tried to wriggle away from Hide, who had his tongue out and was trying to lick Kaneki's nose.

“I'm gonna find out what the inside of your nose tastes like!”

“Ughh! I give, I give!” Kaneki said quickly. He winched and closed his eyes as Hide came closer, but felt only the press of lips against his forehead. Then Hide rolled onto his side and laid facing Kaneki on the bed.

“The contract is sealed,” he said ominously and put the gift on Kaneki's chest.

Kaneki said nothing but gave him an exasperated stare. He sighed and opened the gift with the same care that he had given to the first one. It was indeed a book and one that he had read many times, at that.

“Oh! Hide, this is really nice!” Kaneki flipped through the pages. It was an illustrated edition of _The Hobbit_. Hide smiled, eyes fond as he watched him explore the book. Kaneki paused to admire a watercolor painting of Smaug the dragon and brushed his thumb over the red-scaled back. “There's gold leaf in this too? It's beautiful...”

“Well, it's nice,” Hide smirked, giving Kaneki a meaningful look. “But it's not as beau-”

“Shut up,” Kaneki blushed, grinning. “Thank you, Hide. This is wonderful.” He closed the book and traced his fingers over the gold embossed cover. He smiled softly. “I really liked reading this with you, when we were kids.”

“It was basically the only story you had that was both short enough and exciting enough to hold my attention,” Hide shrugged and reached out to Kaneki. He brushed his fingers over the back of Kaneki's hand and down his arm. “Plus, it's got music in it! Who doesn't love a good soundtrack?”

Kaneki looked curiously at Hide, then at the guitar, then back to him. Hide's eyes were bright and he was biting his lip to try and hide a stupidly large grin. Kaneki raised an eyebrow and cocked his head. Hide nodded emphatically.

“You didn't..!”

“I totally did.”

“All of them?”

“There are only five.”

“ _The Misty Mountains_ is worth, like, three songs. That's amazing, Hide!”

“Yeah, I am pretty amazing, aren't I?” Hide pushed himself up and sat cross-legged on the bed. He picked up his guitar. “Any requests?”

Kaneki sat up too, hugging the book to his chest just in case his heart tried to fly out. He felt light with happiness. “Play your favorite one.”

Hide smiled and began to play while softly singing.

“ _Roads go ever ever on, over rock and under tree...”_

...

“It's because I play guitar, right? You wouldn't find me nearly as hot otherwise,” Hide clicked his tongue as Kaneki threw his spaceship-patterned boxers somewhere over his shoulder.

“Obviously, since I only date musicians,” Kaneki teased him. He crawled over Hide, leading with a trail of kisses up his chest. He pulled on a handful of Hide's hair so that he had to tilt his head and then sucked on his exposed neck. Hide shivered and made a small, needy noise. “There must be something different about the way you sound.” He bit down on Hide's neck and was rewarded with an almost broken sounding moan.

“ _K-Ken...!_ ” Hide's back arched and he clutched at Kaneki's waist with both hands.

“I've actually been trying to avoid biting you,” Kaneki said quietly, licking over the blossoming red mark. “But you really don't seem to mind it anyway.”

"That's-” Hide gasped as Kaneki bit down in another spot and the hand rubbing over his chest pinched a nipple. “—understatement!” His hips canted upwards, finding Kaneki's and they both moaned at the pressure. He cupped his hands around Kaneki's face and kissed him deeply as Kaneki rolled his hips back down and Hide cried out his name again.

“S-sorry," Hide said inbetween kisses. "I never asked if I could-"

"You can call me Ken," Kaneki murmured, heart pounding.

Hide chuckled. " _Ken_ I? Ow ow ow, okay no puns! Got it!"

Hide grabbed Kaneki's wrist so that he released his hair and then rolled them both. Now he was lying in between Kaneki's legs and had one of his arms pinned above him.  
Kaneki licked his lips, gazing up at Hide with dark eyes and he raised his legs to wrap them around Hide's waist. He lifted himself up towards him with a roll of his hips. Hide groaned and slipped his tongue into Kaneki's mouth, grinding back against him.

"Ken," Hide panted against his mouth, breath hot. He ran his tongue over Kaneki's bottom lip. "I want you."

"Want me how?" Kaneki asked, somewhat petulantly. He hadn't quite forgiven the pun.

Hide's breathing slowed and he gave him a sly smile, eyes mischievous. "I'll tell you." He pecked Kaneki on the lips and then spoke next to his ear in a low voice.

"I like all those little sounds you make, but I want to hear you get _loud_. I wanna fill you up-" he thrust his hips "-and bring you right to the edge. But then I'm gonna keep you there until you're begging me, desperate to let you come. I wanna make you to feel so good that you can't think about anything else. That you can't say anything but my name over-" a slow grind "-and over." He sucked on Kaneki's earlobe, letting it drag between his teeth as he pulled away and raised his head to look at him. "How does that sound?"

Kaneki stared up at him, face red and pupils blown. "Is that..." his voice was breathy, "Is that a threat?"

"It's a promise," Hide grinned.

Kaneki reached his free hand around the back of Hide's neck and pulled him down into a bruising kiss. He arched his back away from the bed, pushing his body up against him. Hide hummed and Kaneki felt him smile against his lips.

Kaneki licked his way into Hide's mouth and marveled at the taste. He didn't think he would ever get used to it; somehow strangely nostalgic even though they had never kissed until recently. It reminded him a little of what he remembered peanut butter tasting like; something warm and rich and filling. And his _scent_.... so much better than just a t-shirt.

Hide pat Kaneki's thigh, indicating for him to lower his legs and Kaneki did so reluctantly. He watched Hide grope around between the mattress and the wall and then out triumphantly as he produced a half-empty bottle of lube. Kaneki quirked an eyebrow at him. "Really? Use it so often that you need it close at hand?"

"Hey, life is tough when you're harboring secret lustful feelings for your platonic roommate," Hide moved between Kaneki's legs and kissed his collar bone. "Wouldn't you agree?" he gave him a knowing look, "Mr. T-shirt Thief?"

Kaneki's heart stopped for a moment and then sped up considerably. "T-that was-! I just-! Shit!" he stuttered and tried to pull his legs up but Hide was in the way. "Shit," he covered his face with his hands. There was no fucking excuse for this.

Hide burst out laughing and rubbed his shoulder consolingly. "It's alright! I thought it was, y'know, cute."

"Cute," Kaneki echoed, mortified. "Wait," he dropped his hands from his face. "You knew I took it? And didn't say anything?"

"I knew it was missing, but I didn't realize where it went until you stuck it back in my hamper." Hide touched Kaneki's chin and gently tilted his head to the side. "It smelled like you." He bit the junction between his neck and shoulder.

Kaneki's hand flew to his mouth to stifle a cry. Hide took his wrist and held it against the mattress.

"Tell me," he ran his tongue over the indentations his teeth had left in Kaneki's skin. "What did you do with it?" He sucked hard on the spot with the intention of making a large, dark mark.

Kaneki shivered and closed his eyes, feeling far too exposed. "I- I used it as a pillowcase."

Hide licked up his neck to his ear. "That _is_ cute." His hand ran from Kaneki's hip to his chest.

"But is that the only thing you did with it?" He rubbed his thumb in circles over a nipple. Kaneki bit back a moan. "You have to answer me. I want to hear you, Ken." He rolled the nub between his thumb and forefinger. "Was that all you did with it? Sleep on it?"

Kaneki whimpered. "N-no. I..." He felt Hide's warm, wet tongue on his other nipple and gasped. "I...!"

"Tell me."

"I touched myself," he said in a rush. "While thinking of you, while listening to you."

Hide paused. "Listening to me?"

"Fuck! I- I mean..." His legs were were beginning to shake. He tried to cover his face with his other hand but Hide took that one too and pinned both of his wrists together above his head.

"Ken," Hide leaned forward with his chest on top of Kaneki's. He put his free hand under his chin and lifted it. "Look at me."

Kaneki cracked his eyes open. Hide's face was too close, demanding that he hold eye contact. He watched him lick his lips.

"What do you mean by 'listening to me'?" He rolled his hips.

Kaneki swallowed. "T-that day we got the gardening books and I- I woke up late..." Kaneki shook his head slightly. "I... didn't really wake up late. I was already... up."

Hide was watching him intently.

"And when you came to get me and you were talking to me through the door and I-" Fuck, this was embarrassing but he was still so _hard_. "I didn't stop."

Hide was staring at him with something akin to awe. "Did you finish?"

Kaneki squirmed, face burning.

"Did you come while I was talking to you?"

He nodded without looking away.

Hide looked far too pleased with himself. " _Fuck_." He kissed Kaneki hard, tasting his tongue and swallowing his groan of embarrassment mixed with pleasure.

Kaneki keened and bucked his hips, desperate for more contact but Hide pulled away. In fact, he was reaching for the lube. He dripped a good amount onto his fingers and then rubbed them together, trying to warm it up.

"So what was I doing?" His clean hand cupped behind one of Kaneki's knees and pushed it to his chest. He admired the sight of Kaneki's firm ass and swollen cock. "While you were imagining me?"

Kaneki fidgeted under his appraising gaze but obediently pulled his other leg up as well. "T-that, um..."

Hide pressed a slick finger to Kaneki's entrance and rubbed. Kaneki shuddered, feeling electricity in his veins. "Wait... Wait a sec."

Hide withdrew his hand immediately and looked at him with concern. "What's wrong? Do you need to stop?"

Kaneki shook his head. "You said that you... are you sure that you...?" Fuck, it was hard to think. It shouldn't be possible to be this anxious and this horny at the same time. "I can stretch myself out," he finally said.

Hide kissed his knee. "I've actually been practicing so I think we'll be alright. Tell me if you want me to stop though."

"Practicing?"

"On myself."

"Oh."

_...Oh._

"Ready?"

"Y-yeah," Kaneki said, definitely not thinking about Hide using that same hand to finger himself while thinking about Kaneki. Moaning his name, _Ken_ , every time he added another digit-- Kaneki cried out when the first finger slipped into him.

Hide kissed the inside of his thigh. "You okay?"

He nodded. "Keep going."

Hide slowly eased his finger in and out, watching Kaneki carefully for any signs of discomfort.

"You can do another," Kaneki said quietly.

Hide pushed in another finger and Kaneki bit his lip. He was still moving slowly, gently scissoring his fingers. It wasn't nearly enough friction to satisfy him, but the fact that it was _Hide inside of him_... He whimpered and bucked against Hide's fingers, wanting more.

Hide rubbed his hand up and down Kaneki's thigh. “Hang on. I want to make sure this won't hurt.” He curled his fingers forward now, stroking and searching for-

A spasm shook Kaneki's body and he fisted his hands into the sheets as a wave of pleasure crashed into him. Now that he had found it, Hide was rubbing his prostate almost relentlessly and Kaneki wailed as he suddenly went from feeling not enough to too much, too much and then another finger was added- “ _Hide!_ ” he moaned as Hide continued to stretch him, legs quivering where they were held against his chest. “Fuck me, fuck me, please, I need you to fuck me..!"

“Holy fuck,” Hide slipped his fingers out, Kaneki's needy whine at the loss making his cock twitch. He laughed nervously, hands trembling with anticipation as he reached for the bottle. “I really can't handle you talking like that.” He groaned as he coated his own length in lube.

Hide positioned himself over Kaneki. He brushed back his sweaty bangs and kissed his forehead. “Ready?”

“ _Yes,_ ” Kaneki wrapped his arms around Hide's neck.

Hide kissed him, smiling, and slowly pushed the head of his cock inside. Kaneki sighed in relief at the feeling of _finally_ being filled. He put his legs around Hide's waist, crossing his ankles to lock him in and pulling him closer. Hide tried to move slowly, but Kaneki urged him on and they both moaned when Hide was completely inside, their hips flush together.

“Are you-” Hide shivered. The pressure and heat were so _good_ and Kaneki felt so perfect underneath him, undone and wanting, staring up at Hide like he was the center of his whole damn universe. He swallowed and tried again, “Are you okay?”

“Hide,” Kaneki whined. “ _Move._ ”

Hide groaned and kissed him, teeth clicking in his haste to open Kaneki's mouth and lick inside. Hide slowly moved in and out of him, gradually deepening his thrusts.

“Hide, Hide please, fuck me,” Kaneki begged. “Faster, fuck me hard, make me come-”

“The mouth on you-!” Hide grunted. He pushed deeper than he had been and Kaneki moaned, nails digging into Hide's shoulders.

“ _Yes_ , harder pleaseplease!” Kaneki uncrossed his ankles, leaving one leg wrapped around Hide. The other he pulled back against his chest, spreading himself further so that Hide could fuck him more deeply. He was still begging for more, desperately calling out Hide's name, body rocking back into the mattress every time Hide thrust into him. He was vaguely aware that Hide was saying something too and caught only part of it.

“--so good, Ken, love you so much--”

Kaneki whined, feeling himself getting close, rocking his hips up against Hide to meet him when he came down, the lewd sound of flesh slapping. Then Hide's hand was around his cock, stroking him. The extra stimulation pushed him over the edge and he clung onto Hide as he came, seeing stars behind his eyelids. Hide continued to pound into him through his orgasm. He finished a moment later, grabbing Kaneki's ass and pulling him up so that he could come deep within him. Kaneki whimpered brokenly as he felt Hide throbbing inside, toes curling.

...

Hide managed to convince Kaneki that with the holidays came a certain amount of leeway for laziness. So since it would be absolutely 'not in the spirit of things' to clean up this late at night, rather than changing Hide's sheets they simply moved into Kaneki's room. He didn't say as much and would probably be too embarrassed to ever admit it, but Kaneki actually liked the smell of sweat and sex that lingered in the room. However, he also knew that he would hate it in after the scent had gone stale and musty by morning. So, he consented to being treated by Hide and allowed himself to be carried into the other bedroom by his doting boyfriend.

Kaneki blinked drowsily up at Hide when he returned from the kitchen with a glass of water and a damp cloth. He was goaded into sitting up in the bed and he drank the water while Hide wiped the sweat off of his face and any remnants of come that they missed before moving. He sighed and leaned into Hide's touch.

“How are you feeling?” Hide asked as he took the glass and Kaneki laid back down on his side.

“Mmm blissful,” Kaneki hummed. He had his eyes closed and missed the way that Hide's face lit up.

“Geeze,” Hide sighed. Kaneki felt him lay down and opened his eyes when Hide brushed his hand gently against Kaneki's face. He lay facing him, gaze sleepy and warm. Hide's thumb ran over his cheekbone and traced the line of his jaw. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Kaneki said quietly. But then he glanced briefly at Hide's scar and looked away from him, chewing on his lip.

"Hide," his voice was barely above a whisper. "I can never... You've done so much for me and I can't..."

Hide moved closer and kissed him, brushed the tears away from his eyes. "Who cares about that?" He rubbed his nose against Kaneki's. "It's fine."

Kaneki's silence said that he did not, in fact, think this was fine. Hide sighed and kissed his eyelids, nose, cheeks.

"I'll tell you what," he said, lowering his voice to match Kaneki's. "If it's really bothering you that much, there is something you can do. Something that only you can do for me."

Kaneki looked doubtful, like he already knew that nothing he could do would ever measure up, but he nodded decisively. "Anything."

Hide smiled, eyes soft and affectionate. He brushed Kaneki's bangs out of his face with a gentle touch. "Make me coffee in the mornings. Tell me about the books you like and make references to them that I won't understand. Laugh at my terrible jokes and borrow my clothes whenever. And always- this is the most important one- always come back home."

"But, Hide-"

" _Always_." Hide's fingers trailed around his ear, over his cheek, came to rest over his lips. "And do this for the next, oh let's say, forty years? Give or take a few decades."

Kaneki stopped breathing for a moment. He took Hide's hand away from his mouth and held it against his chest, both hands trembling. Hide could feel his heartbeat, fast as a rabbit's.

"Okay," he said. Tears dripped across his face and into the pillow but his eyes were bright with wonder and love. He managed a small smile. "I can do that."

...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [LIES DOWN] This was so much longer than I intended it to be but here we are!!! There are illustrated versions of The Hobbit, but I do not own one so the one mentioned here is made up. The song that Hide sings is The Road Goes Ever On and it's his favorite because it is, of course, about coming home. This is the end of the main bulk of the story. The last chapter is mostly just to wrap things up and to answer the burning question... "But what about Touka?!" I'm going to take a small break and the last chapter will be updated on 10/28. See you then!!
> 
>  mermaidsnogrr.tumblr.com Talk to me on Tumblr :]


	11. The Beach Episode

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> High tides, high stakes!!

When Hide returned upstairs with a hot mug of coffee in hand, he was a little surprised to see that Kaneki still hadn't woken up. He set the mug on his nightstand and sat down on the bed, perhaps more gingerly than needed since he was actually in charge of making sure that Kaneki got up.

“Ken.” Hide rubbed his shoulder, gently turning him onto his back. Kaneki had his eyes scrunched shut, no longer asleep but not quite awake. “Ken. C'mon, big day today. We're not officially on vacation until we hit the road. You gotta get up, love.”

Kaneki cracked his right eye open and his mouth formed Hide's name but no sound came out. Hide smiled and guided him into an upright position.

"Good morning, sunshine." Hide kissed his cheek as he passed the coffee to him. Kaneki tried to give him a disgruntled look, but it was too groggy and unfocused to be anything but adorable.

"Sunshine?” Kaneki gulped down his first mouthful of coffee and squinted at him. “You're the one who's too bright here."

"Good morning, starshine," Hide amended and pecked his other cheek now. "The earth says 'hello'."

Kaneki made some sort of groaning noise as he drank his coffee, eyes closed. Hide smiled and was content to just watch him for the moment. The blinds were still closed but streams of bright summer sunlight were spilling in from around the edges, softly illuminating the room. Sitting up in Hide's bed, Kaneki was an ethereal beauty; strangely pale and poised among the bright colors and clutter of his room. His face was beginning to flush though, from the warmth of the coffee and his growing awareness of Hide's stare.

"What?" Kaneki pouted at him.

"Nothin'," Hide smiled and brushed his fingers through Kaneki's hair, fluffing the pillow-mussed mess even more than it already was. Kaneki leaned into his touch. "Just thinking about how wonderful you are."

"It should be illegal for you to say things like that before ten in the morning." Kaneki hid his smile behind the raised mug.

"But you're so cute when you're not awake enough to argue with me about how cute you are."

"I can't believe you would take advantage of me like this." Kaneki sighed and gulped down the rest of his drink. He set the mug down and rubbed his hands over his face. "Okay. I'm going to shower and then I need to talk to Yomo about the plants. Did you see him yet?"

"Yeah, I saw him while I was grabbing coffee downstairs. Touka was showing him the new locks. I'm gonna help her load up the car while you get ready."

"Sorry I overslept, it would be quicker if I-"

"Yeah yeah, you and your fabulous muscles, I know! I'm intimately acquainted with them." He winked. "Don't worry about it. It's not like there's a lot to carry, so it's really more about putting up with Ayato's griping when we make him help out."

Kaneki smiled and leaned in when Hide moved to kiss him, meeting halfway. "Okay. I'll do a final check with you after I talk to Yomo."

"I love how concerned you are about our babies."

"Please don't call them that."

"Then you shouldn't have let me name them. It's too late, I'm emotionally invested!" Hide laughed and took the empty mug out into the kitchen.

…

“They just need to be watered once a day, usually in the afternoon. Not too much, just enough to get the soil damp. Oh, but there's a 30% chance of rain on Friday so if it does then don't water them or it will be too much. Here-” Kaneki handed him a small notepad. “I wrote it down, just in case. You can call me if you have any questions.”

“Goodbye, Glinda.” Hide was leaning out the living room window and bent so that he could whisper to the plants that lined the box garden. He lightly stroked the leaves of Glinda, the sweet pea plant. “Goodbye, Himawari.” A small variation of sunflower. “Goodbye, Calcifer, Lancelot, and Slagathor.” Geranium, aster, and oregano. “I think I will miss you most of all, Slaggy. But don't tell the others.”

Yomo nodded and took the notepad. “Got it. It'll be fine, Ken.”

Kaneki let out a long breath, forcing the tension out of his shoulders. “Sorry, I just got used to taking care of them everyday.”

“And they will still be here when you get back,” Yomo gave him a small smile and ruffled his hair. “Now, get going.”

“Yeah, c'mon!” Hide put his hand on Kaneki's lower back and steered him out the door. “The only thing left to load up is you, sweetie.”

“Hide, did you remember-”

“We checked through through the luggage last night. We definitely have all the right clothes.”

“Okay, but what about-”

“I already checked with Touka about the 'special' food. She's taken care of it, babe.”

“But I think I forgot-”

Hide pressed Kaneki's e-book reader into his hands as they descended the stairs. “The cord and extra power bank are in the outside pocket of your luggage, honey. I checked while I was putting them in the car.”

“Hide.” Kaneki stopped him next to the door that lead into the cafe.

“Yeah?”

“What's with all the pet-names?” Kaneki's ears were pink. He had lifted the tablet and hidden part of his face behind it.

“Just trying something out,” Hide shrugged and rubbed his hands up and down Kaneki's arms. “You ready now?”

“Um, yeah. I think so,” Kaneki sighed again. “I don't remember the last time I took a vacation.”

“I do,” Hide kissed his nose. “That first week right before we started college. We had just moved you into your apartment and then spent nearly every day just hanging out. You were reading something obscenely long and I beat, like, three games on my PSP.”

“Right, I re-read all of Dante's Divine Comedy,” Kaneki said, remembering. A slow smile came over his face. “That was a lot of fun. But does it count as a vacation if we didn't go anywhere? And I made you stay over while I got used to sleeping there, too.”

“Absolutely. It was super relaxing, wasn't it? And you didn't 'make' me do anything. Honestly, when have you ever been able to 'make' me do anything?” Hide closed the distance between them, kissing him slowly.

…

"...and if you think that you need something out of my room, you don't. Hinami can go in. But not you."

"The fuck! I'm your brother, what the hell do you think I'm gonna do? That's completely unfair."

"Well, bad news, lil bro." Touka waved her hands as though presenting something. "Life is unfair. Now go put on your apron."

Ayato grumbled and stalked past her into the kitchen. Touka sighed and shook her head at Hinami, leaning heavily on the bar.

"I don't know what you see in him, but I'm glad you've taken care of him. Thanks for watching the place while we're gone."

"It's no trouble. For either." Hinami smiled gently. She finished counting the opening balance in the register and closed the drawer. "I think it'll be fun."

"Okay, but remember: you're the one in charge. Don't let him goad you into anything."

"You don't need to worry about that. I've become quite the expert in 'Ayato wrangling'." They shared a laugh. Then the sound of approaching voices drew their attention.

"Hey, sleepyhead!" Touka pounced on Kaneki as soon as he was through the door and ruffled his damp hair with both of her hands.

"Touka! I just finished combing that." Kaneki tried to back away from her but bumped into Hide's chest.

"Ahhh, I'm so excited!" Hide leaned forward and squished Kaneki and Touka into a hug. They both immediately tried to escape but Hide held on.

"H-Hide!"

"You overgrown man-child!"

"Receive my affection, nervous introverts!"

"I'll introvert your ass!"

"Shh, Touka. It's okay to feel feelings."

"Please let me go." Kaneki was smushed in between both of them and looked like he was considering returning to the relative safety of his bed. Hide relented and released them.

"So how 'bout it, boss lady? You ready to hit the road?"

"Sure, as soon as you return my sunglasses." Touka held out her hand expectantly. Hide blinked at her, cocking his head to the side. She sighed. "You took them while we were loading the car? You put them on and said-"

"Oh, right! 'It's useful being top banana in the shock department'," he laughed. Touka and Kaneki shared A Look. Hide caught them at it and explained, "They look like Holly's sunglasses from _Breakfast at Tiffany's_."

"Like Tiffany's sunglasses?" Kaneki tried to remember the movie while also still trying to flatten his hair.

"No, like Holly's sunglasses."

"Holly?"

"The main character!"

"Wait, so then who was Tiffany?"

"It's a good thing you're pretty." Hide grinned and ruffled Kaneki's hair.

"Hey!"

"Pssh, like you're not gonna sleep the whole drive there and wake up with pillow-hair again." Hide laughed as Kaneki sullenly combed his fingers through his tangled hair.

"Hide." Touka held out her hand again and wiggled her fingers.

Hide grimaced and quickly walked around her, heading to the front door. "I think I put them in a bag please don't hurt me."

"You ass-hat!" Touka chased him outside to where the car was parked.

"Idiots." Ayato had reappeared at some point and he clicked his tongue. Hinami motioned for him to come closer and when he did she stood on her toes to kiss him.

Kaneki politely busied himself by making another coffee with the French press while they talked quietly for a moment, although resisting the urge to eavesdrop was difficult. He usually only saw Ayato when Touka was also in the room and the Kirishimas had a way of riling each other up. It was interesting to see the calming effect that Hinami had on him when they were alone. When they finished their conversation, Ayato kissed her forehead and then went out onto the floor to set up the chairs (they were placed on the tables at night while the floor was mopped).

“Good morning.” Kaneki idled over to Hinami, blowing on his coffee as he walked. “He's different around you."

"Good morning, brother. You're different around Hide." She smiled.

"Fair enough. Tsukiyama said that he makes me 'fluffy' or something."

"Mmm, well, he's not wrong." She laughed lightly when Kaneki pouted and took a long swallow of his coffee. "Didn't Hide already bring you up a cup? Are you trying to stay awake for the drive?"

"Kind of. I don't think caffeine really has an effect on me anymore. I just like the taste."

Hide burst back into the shop, making the bell above the door clang loudly. Touka was hot on his heels.

“'If I could find a real-life place that made me feel like Tiffany's, then I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name!'” Hide was wearing the sunglasses again and he swerved in a figure-eight around the tables, annoying Ayato. But Touka was quicker and she cut him off when he made it back to the counter and snatched her sunglasses off of his face.

"Ugh, you smudged them!"

"You mean they have been blessed with my face oils. You're welcome."

"If you weren't the only one who knows how to drive, I would strap you to the roof."

“So, we're ready then?” Kaneki hoped that the nervous lilt in his question sounded like excited anticipation and not regular anxious anticipation.

“Even if you're not, we're still going.” Touka made to tug the mug out of his hands. Kaneki quickly dodged her and chugged down his second coffee, the burning sensation in his throat doing more to wake him up than the caffeine.

“Nooo,” Hide wailed. “I just got him to stop drinking it like that.”

…

"Anyway, what I'm getting at is that I always have this anxiety whenever I hear the first few chords of the song and I'm like 'which one is it?' Which, ironically, means that I am _Under Pressure_ either way."

Touka snorted a laugh and glanced into the back seat to check on Kaneki. He was lying down, using a duffle bag as a pillow, and fast asleep. "Boyfriend's out already."

"Twenty minutes, huh? That's a new record." Hide lowered his voice and turned down the radio.

"But he slept in. Was he up late?" Touka reached back and gently tugged the e-reader out of Kaneki's loose grasp. He didn't stir.

Hide nodded. "He was on the phone for a while with Akira. Going over contingency plans for an upcoming operation and how to contact us in case of an emergency. I think she was also giving him a pep talk."

"He really hasn't had a break in a while, huh?" Touka slumped back in her seat and looked out the window at the passing scenery.

"None of us have. But yeah, his royal highness seems especially nervous about letting go, even for a few days."

"I guess you'll just have to keep him properly distracted then," Touka teased him.

"I can do that." Hide smiled and glanced briefly at Kaneki's reflection in the rear view mirror. "But enough about the love of my life. How are you doing? I'm pretty sure that you've literally never been on a vacation before."

"Hmm..." Touka tapped her fingers on the car door. "One time- this was before Yoshimura took me in- Ayato and I went over to 8th for a few days. We didn't really have anything planned, we just wanted to see how many gangs we could cripple by killing off a bunch of ghouls. It was kinda fun. Does that count?"

"No."

"Yeah okay, this is my first one then." Touka shrugged. "I guess I feel alright about it. It's sort of weird leaving :re, but I trust those three to keep things running smoothly."

"Even Ayato?"

"Even Ayato. He's different when I'm not around. It's like if he knows that he can't rely on me for something, he suddenly becomes more responsible. I think Hinami has been a good influence on him, too. Makes him want to be able to do things for other people and not just himself."

Hide hummed in agreement. "Kaneki's kinda like that too. He's totally strong and capable and he leads well. But he still defaults to me in awkward social situations or when we're ordering coffee somewhere."

"Haha, you love it though."

"Yeah, I do. It's super cute."

"What is this, Tiffany? I thought we were going to talk about me now."

"It's _Holly_. Right right, sorry. You're really doing okay, though?"

Touka watched Hide drum his fingers on the steering wheel. "Yeah. Why?"

"Nothin', just wanna make sure everyone's in prime vacay-mode."

"Hide." A warning tone.

Hide chewed on his lip. He glanced in the mirror at Kaneki again. "Don't tell him, but I am going to check in on a contact while we're there."

"Woaah, breaking your own 'no work' rule? What the fuck, Hide?"

"It's not really work." He rubbed the back of his neck. "They're more like a friend who also happens to be a contact. I just wanna check in with them but I don't want Ken to worry about it." Touka was still giving him a stern look. "Really. You can even come with me if you like. We can go shopping in town, keep it super casual.”

“I might. Someone needs to make sure that you behave yourself.”

…

“You're sure this is the place?” Touka was double-checking the map on her phone.

“Yeah, this is it.” Hide turned off the main road and onto the driveway, the house number marked by a post that had been stuck next to the unpaved road. He followed the winding path up a gentle incline through the trees. “I'm totally expecting this to be some stupid-big mansion dealio with, like, one of those extravagant swimming pools that feels way too pretentious because we'll also have private beach access.”

“An indoor swimming pool,” Touka agreed. “With a hot tub. And everyone's bedroom will have it's own bathroom. Not a water closet, a full bathroom with both a shower stall and a bathtub.”

“And their own kitchenette.”

“And private balcony.”

They finally rounded the last turn and the beach house came into view. They both gasped, then looked at each other and laughed. It was definitely not meant to rival the size of the Tsukiyama mansion, but it was definitely large compared to the other houses that they had driven by. It was two stories high and painted in lavender with white trim. There were porches that overlooked the ocean on both the first and second floors.

“Is it weird that I'm a little disappointed now?” Hide pulled up next to the only other car in the driveway and turned off the engine.

“Nah, me too. But this is definitely better. Big enough so that we won't all feel cramped in there together, but not so big that I'll feel like I'm wandering around a maze if I need to find someone.”

“Wanna place bets on that indoor pool?”

“There's no pool,” Kaneki muttered from the backseat.

“Hey, darling.” Hide unbuckled his seat belt and turned around to peer at him. “Did you sleep well?”

“You're still doing that?” Kaneki sat up and rubbed his eyes.

“Doing what?”

“The pet-names.”

“Oooh.” Touka grinned as she got out of the car. “HideKane: Trouble in Paradise!” She cackled and shut the car door, going around back to open the trunk.

Hide blushed and got out of the car. He was opening the passenger door for Kaneki when Tsukiyama suddenly appeared on the wooden steps that led up to the front door of the house.

“ _Benvenuto!_ Welcome to my modest palace by the sea!” He gestured with his arms spread wide.

“Modest?” Touka smiled wryly.

“As compared to the other one,” Hori said, snapping a picture of Touka when she jumped.

“Shitting fuck, stop doing that! Where did you even come from!”

“You kind of get used to it,” Hide laughed.

Tsukiyama glided down the stairs to meet them. He was dressed surprisingly casual in sweatpants and a t-shirt with a picture of his own face on it. “I trust that the drive was not too arduous?”

“Not at all. About three and a half hours. It's nice to be out of the city.”

“Hello, Tsukiyama.” Kaneki stood next to Hide, leaning into his side and still looking sleepy. “Did you drive here with Nishio and Kimi?”

“Heavens no! They only arrived about an hour ago.”

“We came by seaplane,” Hori said. But she was already losing interest in the conversation and started wandering off towards a patch of red flowers.

“Seaplane,” Touka echoed bitterly.

“Yes, seaplane.” Tsukiyama nodded. “Well, grab your things and I'll give you the tour!”

…

“Check out this view!” Hide whistled and pulled the vertical blinds aside to reveal the bright, sparkling sea. The house was situated up on a hill and there was a long wooden staircase leading from the porch on the first floor down to the beach. Large ceiling-to-floor windows covered the side of the second floor that faced the water. He put his hands above his eyes like a visor and squished his face against the glass. “Hey, I can see Kimi and Nishio on the beach! Do you wanna go down later?”

“Yeah, we can do that.” Kaneki came over to look out the window and leaned into him. Hide wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “By the way you haven't escaped that question: What's up with the pet-names today?”

“Right. Sorry.” Hide sighed and dropped his arm. He went over to the bed and flopped back on it. Kaneki followed and sat next to him.

“Hide?”

“Um, yeah.” Hide folded his arms behind his head and kept his eyes on the ceiling. “I don't know how to explain this to you without sounding ridiculous.”

“As opposed to all the other times you say ridiculous things?” Kaneki laid down, fitting himself snugly against Hide's side. He draped an arm over his chest and lightly traced his collar bone.

“Hah! You got me there.” Hide took a deep breath. “So... okay, it's like this.”

Kaneki waited for him to continue. When Hide stayed quiet, he tugged on his earlobe.

“I got kind of jealous of Yomo this morning.”

Kaneki started to laugh but quickly stopped. “Oh, you're serious.”

“ _Yes_ ,” Hide groaned unhappily.

“Why?”

“Because he calls you 'Ken'.”

“But Yomo's always called me... oh.”

“Yeah. I dunno, I guess I just liked being the only one to call you by your given name, which is stupid because it's your name and of course you're not always going to want to go by 'Kaneki' even though it's a really good name and everyone already calls me 'Hide' and it's really not any of my business what you-”

“H-Hey, slow down. It's okay, I get it.”

“Is it though?” Hide rubbed a hand over his face. “Because I'm pretty sure that it's actually super petty and weirdly possessive.”

“It really is okay, Hide.” Kaneki pushed himself up so that he could look properly at his face. Hide was flushed and chewing nervously on his lower lip. Kaneki smiled softly and bent forward to kiss him. “Actually, it's good to know that you can sometimes be plagued by human insecurities too.”

“Huh?”

“Because you're _perfect_.”

“Ohmygod.” Hide pulled Kaneki into a hug, squeezing him against his chest. “It should be illegal for you to say things like that always ohmygod.”

“So you're the only one who is allowed to be embarrassing?”

“Yes.”

Kaneki laughed as Hide peppered his face with kisses. Then there was a loud knock on their bedroom door.

“I'm coming in, so you two better not be fucking!” Touka shouted.

Hide moaned extravagantly. “Put it in my ass, Kaneki! Balls deep!”

Kaneki blushed and clamped both of his hands over Hide's mouth. He looked up when Touka swung the door open and instantly regretted making eye contact with her. Her face was a dictionary-perfect representation of _revulsion_. Hide licked his palms. He jerked his hands away- eyes darting between Hide and Touka- and tried to think of something, anything to make this moment end sooner. He opened his mouth and probably stuttered something but couldn't come up with a comprehensive sentence.

Both Hide and Touka burst out laughing. Kaneki collapsed onto Hide's chest and tucked his face against his neck, burning red with mortification.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Hide! You broke him!” Touka grabbed onto one of the bed posts to balance herself as she almost doubled over.

“S-sorry, Kaneki.” Hide still shook with laughter and he ran his hands up and down Kaneki's back apologetically. “You did try to challenge me on who was more embarass-”

“No such challenge was issued!” Kaneki's words were muffled and Hide tried very hard to not laugh harder.

“I hate both of you,” Touka said, righting herself and smiling benevolently from above them. She ruffled Kaneki's hair. “Hey, wallflower. I'm leaving 'that' bag here-” there was the sound of a paper bag crinkling as she dropped it on the floor “-and then I'm borrowing your boyfriend to go into town.”

Kaneki cautiously lifted his face, looking up at her through his bangs. “What for?”

Hide smoothed down his hair and kissed his head. “Picking up some human food. Well, 'food for humans' not human-food with a hyphen.”

Kaneki frowned.

“Also I may have broken Touka's sunglasses. So, shopping!”

“Ah.”

Touka rolled her eyes. “Just be ready to go soon, okay? No spelunking until we get back.” Hide tipped his head back and watched Touka leave, closing the door behind her.

“What's in the bag?” Hide asked as Kaneki pushed himself off of him with a sigh, face still pink.

“You are killing me,” Kaneki grumbled. He leaned over the side of the bed and reached into the bag that Touka left. “One day, you are going to embarrass me so completely that my heart will stop. All the blood with rush to my face and leak out my pores and then I'll die because you have killed me.”

“So we agree that I'm the more embarrassing one, then?”

Kaneki stared sourly at Hide's shit-eating grin. Then he covered his face by dropping a large sunhat on top of it.

“Ahhh-! Oh hey, this is nice.” Hide sat up and let the sunhat fall into his lap. It was heavier than expected and he discovered why as soon as he flipped it over. It was bright yellow and made brighter still by the addition of many orange and pink paper flowers sewn into the band. “It's super cute! Touka got you this for the trip?”

“...It's not really my color,” Kaneki said slowly, nervously tucking a lock of hair behind his ear.

Hide raised an eyebrow at him. On a hunch, he flipped the hat back over to look at the inside of the band. The stitches that held the flowers on were uneven but had been gone over several times to make sure that they were secure. Several different colors of thread had been used. Hide looked back to Kaneki, eyes wide.

“Did you make this?”

“Not really. I mean, I sewed the flowers on but I didn't actually make the hat itself or anything, I just bought it.” Kaneki gently tugged on one of the flower petals, examining his handiwork and avoiding Hide's gaze. “I remembered that the last time we went to the pier you almost lost your hat when it blew off, so I just thought you might like something heavier. You don't actually have to wear it if-”

Hide snatched the hat away from Kaneki and shoved it onto his head. “I love it,” he said fiercely, still holding onto the brim. “I'm never taking it off again.”

Kaneki gaped at him. Then he laughed and ducked his head under the brim so that they were nose to nose. “I can take some of the flowers off if-”

“No. You can't have it back.”

“Hide, I just want to make sure-”

“Bury me in this hat.”

Kaneki smiled and kissed him, soft and slow. “You're too good to me.”

“That's my line,” Hide said quietly. He finally let go of the hat so that he could cup Kaneki's face and resumed kissing him. He felt Kaneki sigh and relax, his hands gently squeezing where they rest on Hide's thighs.

“When we get back,” Hide whispered as he made a line of kisses from his mouth to his ear, “I want you to fuck me while I'm wearing nothing but the sunhat.”

Kaneki put his hands on Hide's chest and pushed him away, expression impassive.

“Is that a no?” Hide smiled, leaning back against the bed.

Kaneki got up and busied himself with unpacking, turning away from him.

“I don't hear a 'no'.”

“The sooner you go, the sooner you can get back.”

Hide grinned and swung his legs off of the mattress.

…

“So how does it feel to have a relationship built on _lies_?”

“It wasn't really a lie,” Hide tried to rationalize but still sounded uneasy. “I said 'may have' and he could choose to interpret it-”

“Ah yes, the good ol' lie by omission. Classic!”

“Well, now you're in on the lie! So you're an accessory to my deception!” Hide shook his fist at her. “If I go down, you're coming with me, Kirishima.”

“Yeah okay, like he's even gonna be half as mad at me as he will be at you.”

“...He's gonna bury me in this sunhat.”

A breeze came through, rustling the trees and foliage around them on the path. Touka stopped and closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of the wind in her hair. She smelled the air. “We're really close. Probably less than a kilometer to go.”

They walked in silence for a bit, listening to the sound of the waves from somewhere beyond the trees. It was a little strange to be able to smell the sea even while they were surrounded by greenery.

“Did you help Kaneki with the sewing?”

Touka snorted. “Not at all. I let him keep it in my room, since he wanted to surprise you, but that was it. He picked out the flowers and figured out the needle-y bits by himself.”

“That is probably the most terrible thing about him being a ghoul.” Hide ran his fingers along the brim and Touka looked at him sharply. “I can't believe I have to miss out on seeing Kaneki's cute fingers covered in band-aids! Can you imagine? That's what always happens in shoujo manga; when the heroine wants to express her true feelings to the person she likes, she undertakes learning some kind of craft- usually cooking- and practices with such fervor that her hands become covered in band-aids! But noooo, not you guys with your super-cool quick healing!” He sighed wistfully and imagined what it would be like to take Kaneki's hands gently in his own and place a kiss on every one of those band-aids. Touka, as if sensing this, glowered at him.

“Sometimes I wanna punch you hard enough to break my hand on your face.”

…

The woodsy path lead them to a small, shaded picnic area. The trees cleared up further down, showing where the grass gave way to sand and opened up onto the beach.

"Convenient," Touka mused as they passed the wooden tables. "The path is pretty hidden, so it would be easy to grab a tourist from here and take them back to the house. Especially if they came at night."

"Charming."

"Well, we know our Gourmet used to have a penchant for live prey."

Hide cleared his throat loudly as they came out of the clearing and onto the beginnings of a boardwalk. There were a few sunbathers out on the beach. "Anyway! Hori said that the grocery store is going to be further inland. Let's meet up with my buddy first and then get food after. Sound good?"

Touka hummed in agreement, only half listening. Her eyes were watching the water as they walked.

The boardwalk completely left the woods and lead them to a touristy shopping area next to the water. They looked briefly at the bathing suit stores and kitschy eateries, but ultimately headed further into town and away from the water. There weren't that many people out and most of them were on the beach. The crowds thinned out considerably as they made their way uphill towards a more residential area.

Touka knew that he hadn't mean to do it ( _probably not_ , she eyed him suspiciously for a moment), but Hide's comment about cooking in shoujo manga had made her think of Yoriko. Yoriko, who had noticed that Touka barely ate and was determined to feed her. Who always had a copy of the class notes ready for her whenever she came back after being absent. Who was so gentle that she couldn't even stand the thought of Touka fighting the classmates who bullied her. With her soft curves and softer smile...

“Hey, this is the place.”

Touka snapped back to attention, annoyed that she had let herself slip into reminiscing when she was supposed to be keeping an eye on Hide. They were walking towards a small bakery and she realized that the sour smell in the air was freshly baked bread. She scowled.

“Are we going to be here long?”

Hide shrugged, scratched his cheek thoughtfully. “That depends.”

“Am I gonna have to eat anything?”

“Nah. They serve coffee here and I'll eat enough for the both of us.”

They went inside the shop, the bell above the door jingling as it shut behind them. Even though it was lunchtime, they were the only ones in the shop. Hide went immediately up to the counter and peered eagerly behind the glass. Touka, remarkably less enthused, sat down at a table and tipped her sunglasses onto the top of her head. She heard a clang from the back, followed by a swear, and then footsteps leading to the front of the store. A thin, middle-aged woman appeared behind the counter, wiping her hands on her apron.

“Hello! Welcome to-” She recognized Hide and frowned.

“Tomiko!” Hide grinned. “Looking beautiful as ever.”

Tomiko huffed and wiped the sweat from her forehead onto the back of her hand. “Hide. If I'd known it was you, I would've closed the damn shop.”

“Because I'm the only customer you need?” Hide leaned forward on the counter and batted his eyelashes at her.

Tomiko looked past him at where Touka was seated. “He do this shit to you too?”

“It never ends,” Touka sighed, waving her hand dramatically at Hide. She decided that she quite liked Tomiko.

Hide chatted away happily with the baker, all the while pointing out things he liked behind the glass and grabbing a few more items from the adjacent shelves. He collected crackers and sweets and all manner of things that were filled with red bean paste. Tomiko nodded along and kept up easily with his chatter, asking him about city life and how his family was. (“And how's that boy you're 'just friends with' doing?”)

From what Touka gathered, she was fully human and used to live in Tokyo. So she must have met Hide there, but what was her connection to the ghoul world? Unless Hide had a better 'join the secret human-ghoul alliance' sales pitch than she had given him credit for. Hide paid for his purchases and was tucking them into the emptied backpack he had brought along when there was the sound of movement from the back of the shop.

“That must be my niece. She went out to the beach this morning. Did you want to say hello before-”

“Most definitely!” Hide quickly rounded the counter and slipped past Tomiko through the door to the kitchen. She scolded him as he passed by, but smiled.

Touka had her chin propped up on her hand and was staring out the window. She could vaguely hear Hide's voice in the back of the shop but then the clink of china drew her attention. Tomiko had brought her a mug full of hot, black coffee.

“You need all the caffeine you can get to keep up with that one, right?” She smiled, setting the drink down on the table. “That idiot didn't even think to introduce us. I'm Kotara Tomiko, as you may have heard.”

“Um, thank you,” Touka said. She felt oddly intimidated by the short-statured woman. “Kirishima Touka.”

A flicker of surprise crossed Tomiko's face, followed closely by curiosity. “You live in Tokyo with Hide?”

“Sort of. I'm his landlord.” Touka smiled when the other woman let out a bark of laughter. She forced herself to relax and took a sip of the coffee. _Not bad._

“If you don't mind me asking, Touka, where did you go to school?”

“Uh, I attended Kamii for a bit...”

A soft gasp caught her attention, somehow louder than anything else in the shop. Touka froze, staring past Tomiko out the window but completely unseeing. She vaguely registered Tomiko moving away in her peripheral vision. But soft footsteps were coming closer, feet that tread carefully and barely made any sound, like how you would approach a scared animal or a wild, frightened thing-

Touka abruptly stood up, the chair squeaking on the tile as it slid back. Then a gentle hand touched one of the arms that she had braced on the table.

“Touka.” Yoriko breathed her name like a quiet prayer. She smelled like sea salt and sunshine.

“Where's Hide?” Her voice was rough. She kept her eyes on the table, hair hanging in her face.

“He ran out the back door.” Touka heard the smile in Yoriko's voice. “Do you... Do you want to stay for a bit? I can put another pot of coffee on.”

“You're Hide's contact.”

“Yes.”

“How long?”

_How long have you known?_

“A while. Please, have a seat. I'll be right back.” Yoriko's fingers trailed down her arm, lingering on her wrist before pulling away.

When she had gone back behind the counter, Touka finally forced herself to move. She quickly wiped at her eyes and checked her appearance in the store window's reflection before sitting back down. She tried to subtly watch Yoriko without staring at her outright, noting that time spent in the sun had darkened her skin and lightened her hair. How long was Yoriko going to be in town? It would be troublesome to have to avoid her for the rest of the trip, but she could just skip the sight-seeing and stick to Tsukiyama's private stretch of beach. Touka looked back down at her coffee when Yoriko returned with a full pot and a cup for herself. Was she a little taller, too?

Yoriko pulled out the chair opposite of Touka and sat down. Her movements were also move fluid and graceful than Touka remembered, lacking the awkwardness of her teenage self.

“We're lucky it's been quiet today.” Yoriko smiled as she poured hot coffee into her own cup. “Well, not lucky for my aunt's business, I suppose. But I don't really like how noisy the tourists can be. It's still a few weeks out from the busy season, though.”

The following silence indicated that Yoriko was waiting for her to say something. Perhaps she could comment on her own dislike of crowds or how nice the weather was or what she thought of the beach. Touka managed a stiff nod.

“Touka, I'm not mad at you.”

“Why?” She said a little too sharply, finally jerking her head up. Her nerve faltered at the sight of Yoriko's easy smile and open expression. Touka looked out the window instead. “You should be.”

Yoriko shrugged. “It's true. You were a little cruel.”

Touka's heart twisted uncomfortably at the memory. The Anteiku raid had been a tragedy. So many of the people she cared about were dead, missing, had left her. She hadn't always agreed with Yoshimura's methods, but she had wanted to be able to do what he had done for others; to create a home and a place for her family to return to. One thing became startlingly clear though: she was done playing human. It was useful as a mask, certainly something that came in handy for blending in and staying hidden, but it could never be anything real.

Her relationship with Yoriko had begun to deteriorate almost immediately. She continued to go through the motions but stopped going out of her way to be friendly. No more meeting up outside of school hours, no more choking down food that made her sick. It wasn't hard to blame her sudden change in mood on exams, especially as the end of their high school career loomed nearer. After they graduated, she stopped talking to Yoriko altogether. They had run into each other only once since then; a chance meeting near the train station. Touka had been harsh and told her to stay away, that she didn't have any room for a useless crybaby in her life anymore. And of course, she turned her back and walked quickly away when Yoriko dropped her bag and began to cry.

“And it wasn't fair of you to lie to me like you did, but...” Yoriko trailed off thoughtfully and took a sip of her coffee. “But then I met Hide. He was a regular at the bakery and eventually we became friends. He's never said so, but I'm pretty sure that he knew who I was from day one.”

Touka looked back to her in alarm. “Why? What happened?”

Yoriko lowered her gaze, looking at Touka's drink. “He told me about the coffee thing.”

Touka swallowed, throat suddenly thick.

“I didn't realize it at the time. He was always chatty and talked about everything from American pop music to the production of tea leaves. But really, he was feeding me a trail of breadcrumbs.” She looked up, locked eyes with Touka. “All the way back to you.”

There was an uneasy stiffness in Touka's muscles, her legs were begging her to move, run, get away from here.

“He gave me enough hints to let me figure it out on my own. And when I did, I... I couldn't just pretend that I didn't know. I wanted to help.” There was a resoluteness in her eyes that Touka couldn't remember ever seeing before. “It was always small things; reporting what times the doves came by, knowing which customers only bought black coffee. A few times he had me pass a thumb drive or a notebook. Once I babysat a ghoul for a few hours. His parents had been killed and Hide was moving him to a different ward. I had never seen a child so quiet.”

“Why?” Touka hadn't realized that she had said it out loud.

Yoriko smiled. “Because even though they were small things, they still helped. And maybe, somehow, I could be closer to you by being part of your world for a bit.”

“You can't.” Touka grit her teeth, tried to keep her voice even. “You don't know. You haven't seen what I... what I've done. What I _am_.”

“I know that there's a lot I don't know. But as interested as I am in where you've been, I'm afraid that I'm more intrigued by where you're going.” Touka's mug wasn't even half empty, but Yoriko lifted the pot and filled it back up. “We can start small. You can tell me about-”

“You can't really be serious.” Touka glared at her. “I _eat_ people. I've _killed_ them.”

The Yoriko she knew years ago might have wilted under that look, but instead she glared right back. “Hide told me that his boyfriend is an introverted amnesiac who almost murdered him in a sewer. Are you really saying that we have a worse shot than _that_?”

Touka's mouth fell open. Yoriko frowned and tapped her nails on the table.

“No... no, I guess I can't say that.”

“Good.” Yoriko's smile was back and she hummed happily as she lifted her mug and drank her coffee. Touka awkwardly mirrored the action. “So, tell me about your vacation buddies.”

…

Hide returned to the beach house without Touka. He was in the kitchen, unpacking the groceries he had bought when Kaneki came down the stairs. Hide happily noted that his boyfriend was wearing one of his t-shirts.

“Hey, you.” Hide looped an arm around Kaneki's waist, pulling him in close for a kiss.

“Hey.” Kaneki smiled and put his arms around Hide's neck. He glanced around the kitchen. “Where's Touka?”

“I think she saw something in town that she liked. She'll be back later.” Hide dipped his head and kissed Kaneki's neck, liking the way the shirt exposed his collarbone.

Kaneki hummed happily and threaded his fingers through Hide's hair, lifting the sunhat off his head so that the brim wouldn't bump into his face. He set it behind them on the counter. “So, I was thinking about what you said earlier...”

“Oh? Then you shouldn't have taken the hat off.” Hide nibbled on his earlobe.

“Not that!” Kaneki giggled and playfully swat at him. “About the nicknames.”

“Oh.” Hide lifted his head and gently bumped their foreheads together. “Sorry, I didn't mean to worry you about that.”

“No, I mean...” Kaneki thought distantly that he'd always liked that ring of gold around Hide's pupils. “You can use one, if you want. But nothing you called me when you were being weird about it.”

“Really?” Hide's face lit up. Then he frowned. “Crap. I went through a lot of them.”

Kaneki laughed and kissed his nose. “Why so many though?”

“I didn't like how any of them sounded,” Hide groaned. “I thought that I could just cycle through them until one clicked.”

“Well, what about, um,” Kaneki's ears were going red. “What about what you called me this morning? When you brought me coffee.”

“Starshine?”

“No.”

“Sunshine?”

“That's you.” Kaneki smirked. Hide pursed his lips, but then his expression softened when he realized. And suddenly his face split into a grin and he dipped out of Kaneki's embrace.

Kaneki yelped in surprise when his feet were swept out from underneath him. Hide picked him up and spun him around, laughing.

“H-Hide!”

Hide slowed his spin, still smiling widely. “Yes, love?”

Kaneki's red ears were infectious and now he felt that his whole face was flushed again. “I already regret this.”

“No, you don't.”

“Okay, maybe I don't.”

“Hey,” said a third voice. They both turned to look out into the living room. Nishio and Kimi were cuddled up on the couch watching a movie. “Could you do that somewhere else?”

“Like you don't love seeing them happy.” Kimi smacked his arm, grinning.

~THE END~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [LIES DOWN FOREVER] jk I'm only lying down for a little while. The next Hidekane fic I've got planned is going to start posting in December but I'll be updating with drabbles until then. :] Thank you everyone for your kudos, kind words, and support!! Writing this was already fun, but the community here has made me really glad to return to fanfic. <3 If you have any questions about the story, now is the time!! Otherwise, catch me on tumblr! See you sinners soon!! mermaidsnogrr.tumblr.com


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